the mundane the profound and the twisted

Desperation

2011-03-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

I literally gasped for breath as if my body were demonstrating the state of of my spirit. I need Him and I can't seem to lay hold of enough. I could no longer breathe through my nostrils. I had to open my mouth and gasp for air. My heart wanted to jump out of my throat. I took quick heavy breaths as if my lungs were competing for air. As if air would run out. As if my heart would faint from suffocation. I feel an impending headache. My forehead is all wrinkled. My face is like that of a mother's, wailing after losing her child.

I have to need Him. I need you to need Him. To want Him for myself is one thing. But my spirit is not separate from the others.' I will never be satisfied until I find myself in the midst of a Body that groans for His presence and His return. My insides are wired to theirs, to yours. I am weeping for hunger, for food, for communion, for connection. I am weeping with a heart that longs for a generation that would gasp for His presence as if it were the only thing that would keep them alive.

Castles and Crumbs

2011-02-19T06:05:00.000-08:00

7-February

I guess I didn’t expect myself to feel better after my long nap. And so I’m breaking my promise that my earlier entry is about the last one until who knows when.

I feel better both physically and emotionally. I hope and truly hope this won’t last for just a moment. I hope the peeking hope does not fade.

I’m playing the song “Only Exception” by Paramore via Grooveshark over and over. The melody is comforting. I don’t know why. I honestly cannot relate to the lyrics.

I just watched (via DVD) the movie “Up In The Air.” It’s one of those that makes you really really think how fragile life is. The young person would invest his years building a stable sand castle. The older ones, when youthful glory starts to fade, realize that family is the only thing that stays with you after life shakes the ground beneath you. As the Little Prince puts it, “What is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I am going through a major season where my investments are being sized up, my values being appraised. Shaky foundations are crumbling into pieces and it’s like watching a tower one built for 30 years fall apart in a quake that lasted 3 seconds. It brings a certain death that leaves you paralyzed, staring at the rubble and the dust fog. It makes you question your present integrity and youth’s discretion. It leads you face to face with the hard facts. How long must a person waste life before he comes to terms with what is really essential? Was I kept deceived for so long?

It makes you sick to the core. Even further than your bones, or heart. I’m as fleeting as a bubble, as dispensable as plastic cups. Or so I think, sometimes, because I have not yet learned from the Little Prince.

When sadness overtakes you not because something disappointing happened but because you realized that MAYBE you’ve been wrong all those years, you’re forced to reach out for anything that will keep you from sinking to oblivion. Or maybe I’m just exaggerating.

I reached out to God and I’m beginning to realize something I possibly could not have realized if my tower had not fallen apart.

GOD IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME.

I am finding it excruciatingly difficult to put it into words. But this morning, as I sang Him a new song, I felt like I was going back to the day when I was just starting to build my life. And I felt like it didn’t really matter what took place in between as long as I knew that I will always be worth to Him, more than any precious stone or jewel.

8-February

This morning, I came across this quote and it perfectly describes how I am feeling. It’s a surprise that it also came from the author of The Little Prince:

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery (Wind, Sand and Stars)

I feel like so much was taken away that all of sudden I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t even know where to go because even my previous direction is suddenly in shambles. But I found myself in God’s arms, where my nothingness became most beautiful. Besides, that’s what I really am compared to God. In losing, I feel like I’ve come a huge step closer to a realization of who I really am. Someone with practically nothing without God but someone who has everything in Him. I am learning to love Him again.

Randall Wallace's Speech - National Prayer Breakfast

2011-02-09T02:30:00.000-08:00

Guys you have to watch this. It's so worth the minutes. Trust me. Profound, anointed, moving and inspiring.

the prayer room: Why We Don't Stop

2011-01-30T20:03:00.000-08:00

the prayer room: Why We Don't Stop: "January 21, 2011 It ALL starts with an encounter. I’m not talking bumping into that hunk who lives across your street or that chick yo..."

New Confessions for 2011

2011-01-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

Something I learned in 2011 is that a lot of simple confessions I have in my mind are not in line with God’s word. Even the realistic doubts enter out thoughts, if we’re not careful, can become pervading confessions that hinder God’s power from being released. This is because doubts are the opposite of faith. And faith releases power. One time I caught myself thinking, ‘What if the bible study doesn’t turn out ok?’ or ‘What if I don’t finish studying my masters?’ (Oh yeah I haven’t started yet but I’m already thinking of not finishing?!) There are a lot of others more subtle than these thoughts. Put it this way. Consider every negative expectation you have and ask yourself if it’s in line with God’s word. Oh yes, even the tiniest ones. If God’s will is to give you the fullest life you can have, why would he not BLESS YOU INDEED? Sometimes, we are the ones who limit our success. We think that God has not blessed us “as much.” But it is because we have doubted the blessing even before we had a chance to pray for it! When was the last time you reduced a prayer because you think ‘this one’ is just way too big? Super fail! If we want to see more of God, we have to start changing our confessions. Not because we’re worthy but because it is God’s desire to come in his glory. How he loves us and how he wants to bless us! So stop, just stop doubting his good, great, awesome, mind-blowing intentions for you life. Uh… preaching to me. Amen?

The Strength of God

2010-11-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

Most of us live in a nation that is not at war. And though some nations may be at war with other nations, or perhaps experiencing civil war in some areas, the rest of us who are far away from the actual battlegrounds hardly feel the turmoil and danger of battle.

I love reading the book of Psalms. I love King David. I want to be like him. A huge part of his life was lived in the tension of battle. We live in a time when most countries have agreed to the primacy of maintaining peace. Thus we have the United Nations. We have international laws that promote peace and international amity. And this is all good.
But King David lived in Old Testament times when nations fight for dominion over lands, to thrive and establish themselves as a people, a nation. Thus when we read the book of Psalms, we see violence, struggle, danger, betrayal, deception, fear. But we also see a mighty man of war pouring out to God his heart with much trembling, fear and insecurity. And then we hear this man exhorting the people, "pour out your hearts to God for He is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8) Later we hear the very same man saying "with God I can scale a wall, I can lead an army…"

Without you God, I cannot do anything. But when I keep myself near you, even when I am drowning in the depths of the sea, I am not beyond salvation. Your nearness is my good. I am in constant danger and You are the ONLY steadfast thing I could cling to.

Most of us read King David's words and we apply them to our day to day struggles. We say "God You are my strength," equating "strength" with the strength to resist addiction or doubt or discouragement. And yes, some of us have burdens that are heavier than these…

But this morning, God showed me that when David cried out to God for strength, when David cried out for salvation, when David cried out for help, it was more often than not, in the face of DEATH, in a life-threatening situation, in the MIDST OF A WAR, in LITERALLY moments that could end his existence - and not just end his reputation, career or friendship.

He was in the midst of the cunning bloodthirsty foes, even enemies lurking in the very palace where he lives. He had enemies around his country and enemies inside his home. He faced death from every side. But in the face of these, BECAUSE HE HAS PURSUED GOD AS HIS ONE THING, THE ONE HE CLINGS TO AND THE ONE WHO SATISFIES HIS EVERY DESIRE, He was able to say "O God you are my rock, the one who is mighty to save me from the grave."

Summon your power, O God… in another translation Your God has summoned power for you. Psalm 68:28

GOD, our God who is STRONG is a God who is strong for battle. And no, not just emotional battle but even the most violent conspiracy of nations laying siege kings and armies. A God who literally won wars for David. Real wars where blood was shed and men were killed.

But where are our enemies now? Sometimes, we have settled to fighting meager wars instead of taking territories for God. There is nothing wrong with facing personal struggles, I do have a lot of those too. We all have to face them. But today I am reminded that the battles we fight reflect our personal IMAGE and revelation of who the GOD we pray to is. The bigger the war we trust God to win for us, the bigger our image of who He is.

He is a MIGHTY GOD OF WAR. Remembering who God is and how he won battles for Israel make me wonder, where are the spiritual giants I should be fighting, what are the territories I should be taking, have I been contending against spiritual strongholds that exalt themselves against the knowledge of my Jesus? Or have I been shrinking back and magnifying the tiny giants of my day to day? God forbid! If yes, then this silliness has got to end now!

There is a reason why the Bible portrays God as a Man Mighty in Battle. There is a reason why some of us are restless and competitive. We were made to fight wars for God and with God. If we are not fighting God's wars, then we might be wasting our energies on struggles on distractions. It's time to see God's strength as MORE than just strength for the day to day. It is strength for and salvation and victory for battles bigger than us, those battles that would seem to kill us and swallow us whole, until God comes up as our Source of Strength.

Don't you just love Him? Our Mighty Man of War.

Glory-Wed

2010-11-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Reposted from Wordpress

“what is yours is mine, and mine is yours, please say yes…will you cling to me?” — Please Say Yes, Misty Edwards

As I listened to this song, the things I have been longing for past years came flashing in my mind. A scene of me preaching the Gospel to few and many, miracles at every instance that we ask for them, the conviction of the Holy Spirit falling upon men and women and youth, souls radically delivered, lives saved from emptiness and turned to God. I saw a season so heavenly and powerful, where each believer is so filled the Spirit of God that fear has no hold of them and they preach Jesus at every opportunity, where doubts have no place in their hearts and miracles come at every instance of faith-filled prayer. And the Spirit of God is not boxed or held back by callousness or unbelief, but invades wherever, whenever…

And it was like Jesus is saying, if you give me everything you own, you will have access to everything I have. If you want it, come and take it. If we will have a divine exchange, your rags for my glory, are you willing? And it felt as though my Bridegroom has long been waiting for the answer to his wedding proposal. And even as I have so many times said ‘yes,’ he is still waiting for the marriage to be consummated in a complete giving in, a total surrender of my possessions and all that I hold dear, an offering of all my treasures.

It is like that moment when the newly-wed bride in the movie Intolerable Cruelties, rips the pre-nuptial contract into pieces. There comes a shattering of the walls of distrust, the barricade that spells ‘you cannot cross this line and touch these treasured possessions” is suddenly melted by the compelling invitation to be one, to be fragile in his arms, to hold nothing else dear, except His embrace.
What is mine is His, finally. so small a sacrifice. At that moment, the damn of His glory breaks and takes me into its relentless tide. This is Him sharing to me what is His. His glory, and more.

Religion, Indifference and Intimacy

2010-11-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

: at Magellan's Cross, Apr 2010

Seven months ago, I walked the city where Catholicism first docked, where venerating an image of Jesus was first introduced, and where a deep and widespread culture of religious practices and traditions had started some 490 years ago. Cebu City, the heart of the nation I fiercely love. They say that it is with the heart that we worship God. Thus, Cebu has become associated with worship. And what a man worships, he ultimately becomes. This statement is both amazing and terrifying to ponder on.

Today, I walk a city where landmarks are not limited to tourist hotels, spots with relaxing views of the sea, crab platter, satti and knickerbucker (local fruit salad) food joints -- but public establishments where bombs have exploded, fire had erupted, or where innocent people have been massacred. It is not the violence that scares me though, but the acceptance and indifference that have grown towards the things that normally should grieve the heart.

When I watch a person go through the rituals of tradition that is not rooted in intimacy with his Creator, I see the same thing: Indifference. The indifference of pain shunned away and buried deep. However, it indefinitely shows on the person's face. I see a hope that hopes against hopelessness, not a hope that hopes upon faithfulness. It is a hope that has rationalized a god's silence, yet against all odds, goes through the motions, 'hoping' to gain what is desired, by some stroke or luck or miracle, whichever would prove itself true by coming first, hopefully before one dies, if not, maybe in the afterlife. My Jesus is grieved. Why should I not be?

My concern right now is not whether people do understand what I am saying. I know most of us who have experienced God, do understand. But my concern is that of how we respond after God skins our hearts and puts some flesh and compassion into our hearts that are hardened by selfish ambition. My concern is that, every day, we are being pulled into two directions. One is towards a place of indifference where we shun away the voice of a compassionate God. The other is towards a place of sacrifice, where the burdens would finally be translated into a change in lifestyle, if only to give more of our energies for the things that have the potential to bring radical change.

The latter is not easy. I am not talking about joining some "Cause" on Facebook or wearing a shirt that says that one is a drunkard drunk with the Holy Spirit. To shift the spiritual atmosphere of a city takes more than just a 'desire' to do so. Even attending prayer meetings would eventually (should eventually) lead a person to such a point of restlessness where he or she finally becomes the answer to his or her prayers.

It is not just the religious who have rituals. We Christians also have them. And regularly we need to check WHO our rituals glorify.

We HAVE to ask ourselves, to which direction are we allowing ourselves to be pulled right now? We MUST pull ourselves together.

I love Blogger Stats!

2010-10-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hi all! Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what to do with this blog. I am so thrilled by blogger's new improved features and it's I find the Statistics page very informative and interesting. I simply love seeing where the hits are coming from. And also the easy-to-learn template features. I love how it's so easy to post videos from youtube as widgets, change layouts, change backgrounds, etc.

But I've gotten so used to my wordpress blog already >> doubtproof.wordpress.com << that I'm having difficulty transferring here. But the funny thing is that although I don't update this blog regularly, and I update my wordpress blog 0-3 times a day (low days have 0 posts, average days have at least 1 post), the hits on this blog has caught up with the hits on my wordpress. Well at least almost. Like 90% catching up and quickly increasing. But then again those hits may be accidental hits and will not really convert into regular readers or subscribers. So there there... But since I'm not really into blogging as a profession or 'career.' It's just a hobby, I try not to think about it too much right now. Got other things to do ya know... :)

But yes, gee thanks for dropping by. I love visitors! ;)

So Loved

2010-10-25T19:54:00.001-07:00

Jacob ‘so loved’ Benjamin that he would die of grief should this youngest son’s life be taken from him. He also ‘so loved’ Joseph that from the time Joseph disappeared and had been assumed dead, Jacob never stopped grieving their separation.
After Joseph disappeared:

He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. ³⁵ His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep. Genesis 37:34-35, NLT

Judah speaks about ‘the boy’ Benjamin:

“And now, my lord, I cannot go back to my father without the boy. Our father’s life is bound up in the boy’s life. ³¹ If he sees that the boy is not with us, our father will die. We, your servants, will indeed be responsible for sending that grieving, white-haired man to his grave…” Genesis 44:30-31, NLT (emphasis mine)

I could not help but weep after reading this last passage about Jacob’s affections for Benjamin. His life was bound up in the boy’s life, the Scripture said, that he believed he would die should he lose his son! How closely knit to a son could a father get? Certainly not closer than Jacob was to Benjamin! What tenderness and fragility in an old man’s heart! He must have adored the kid and every moment of it’s life that the thought of losing him would mean being ripped apart.

That moment, Father God came speaking to me with the same tenderness of Jacob’s heart. I love my Son this way. I love each and every son I have this way. I love each and every daughter I have created, this way. Do you understand it now Riz?

I literally sobbed feeling the intensity of God’s pain and affection, the longing of my Abba Father, to redeem his lost children, blinded by sin, unaware of a love so unconditional and tender. If you want to preach the Gospel Riza, do understand this. Do you now understand?
For the first time in my life, I think I finally began to understand. For a moment I stopped weeping and wiped my tears, then I wept again, stopped, then wept again. It felt as though God would want to reveal more but my tiny heart felt like it could no longer contain the intense passion of His pure love for His children.

O God I want to understand more, but my heart seemed so full of other things. Help me make room for more of You in my heart. Help me make room for the souls you want to save.

¹⁶“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16, NIV (emphasis mine)

My love it satisfies, my blood it gives you life. My mercy far outweighs your need. My justice never fails. My faithfulness prevails. My strength is poured out for the weak. There is a river… that never runs dry… My cup runneth over, the wellspring of life, oh it satisfies! — Wellspring by Audra Lynn

Light the Candlesticks, My Priest

2010-10-25T19:49:00.001-07:00

by Obed dela Cruz

Strength is frail when darkness wraps the mortal frame of clay
And keeps the dream far away from thoughts of the serene.
Let this spark fail not anymore to shine like the day
And show the broken the fields of roses and the green.
Light the Candlesticks, my Priest.

They found no more pleasure when barrels of wine went dry,
Nothing left to fill empty cups of silver and gold.
Lost in their desires, they go to the streets with a cry,
The unending wail of men for heat over the cold.
Light the Candlesticks, my Priest.

And they rush towards the wedding with their lamps and oil.
Patiently they waited for their time to celebrate.
But when they fell asleep at the bosom of cursed soil,
Their blaze of passion turned cold and they learned it too late.
Light the Candlesticks, my Priest.

Worldly days are glowing dim, surrendered to the night;
Cold and silent in the absence of all the whispers,
But my heart is yearning more than tales of shining light,
It yearns warmth and hope that can answer all the prayers.
Light the Candlesticks, my Priest.

http://www.poemhunter.com/obed-dela-cruz
http://www.poetfreak.com/poet/ObedDelaCruz
http://obed-dela-cruz.blogspot.com/
http://princeobed.multiply.com/
Copyright © 2010 by Prince Obed de la Cruz
(October 25, 2010; Marikina City)
(This poem is written by PRINCE OBED de la CRUZ. To use it in a proper manner, please email him at princeobed_dc@yahoo.com)
---
I'm so proud to say I know the guy who wrote this poem. Go Obed, stay inspired and in love with God. :)

wanted: recklessness

2010-10-16T08:06:00.001-07:00

I thought I’d browse through wordpress tonight. I keyed in these words: Christian, Jesus Revolution. I stumbled upon a blog entry (Give Me Scotland) that quoted these striking words. Just wanna share:

What is, therefore our task today? Shall I answer: ‘faith, hope, and love?’ that sounds beautiful. But I would say—courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature…we lack…the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the kingdom of God. And remember the signs of the Christian church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish…but never the chameleon.

Laughter

2010-10-15T05:43:00.000-07:00

Abraham’s faith, I think, is an awesome thing. But for Sarah, the promise — although spoken by God Himself, the un-created of the universe — could not but cause her to laugh silently, literally questioning the possibility of God’s promise being fulfilled and at the same time knowing that she cannot blatantly confess her doubt because she would be showing disrespect to the Almighty God.

So she laughed silently to herself and said, “How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master — my husband– is also so old?” – Genesis 18:12, NLT

Many times we are like this, we think we understand that God is God, that He is Yahweh, that all things are possible with Him. We think we understand. But beneath our breathe, we are laughing silently or even unconsciously. We have the appearance of faith but inwardly we are losing our grip on God-dependence.

Sarah was afraid, so she denied it, saying, “I didn’t laugh.”
But the Lord said, “No, you did laugh.” – Genesis 18:14b, NLT

But take heart, God did not give up on Sarah! For exactly a year after she laughed, she laughed again. This time, an inward shift had changed the laughter that flows from her belly because after more than a decade of waiting, God had finally given her the promised son.

“God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me.” Genesis 21:6

This is Sarah saying, how could I have doubted God? Who would have thought this were possible? But God is God and I now understand that He is able. Until now, I did not understand. But by His grace, I see that He does love me enough to cause this miracle in my life.

But how much better it would be if we would just choose to have faith like Abraham? I am reminded of Jesus’ words to Thomas, “blessed are those who have not seen but believed” and the Bible’s words about Abraham, “Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith.” (Genesis 15:6)

Because as Jason Upton’s song puts it, “When the time comes, I will be the one asking why… Why did I ever doubt You?” (When the Time Comes)

For more blog entries, check my regularly updated blog: doubtproof.wordpress.com

Your Great 'What If'

2010-10-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight, my music video hopping has led me back to some Jon Mclaughlin poetry while listening to (and eventually reading) his song Indiana. I love this kind of poetry and music that takes you to places in your heart that straightforward words otherwise would not have been able to. We all have our Indianas. Are you still holding on to yours? What is your great 'what if' in life? We will all face battles. I just hope it is not the battle to convince ourselves that we are going to lose, even before we have tried to fight the war.

So it's probably best I stay in Indiana
Just dreaming of the world as it should be
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me --- Indiana

Indiana Lyrics by Jon McLaughlin

I'm glad I never lived next to the water
So I could never get used to the beach
And I'm glad I never grew up on a mountain
To figure out how high the world could reach
I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

For some the world's a treasure to discover
And your scenery should never stay the same
And they're trading in their dreams for Explanations
All in an attempt to entertain
But I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment

I'm glad she never fell in love with me

The trick of love is to never let it find you
It's easy to get over missing out
I know the how's and whens, but now and then,
She's all I think about

I wonder how it feels to be famous
But wonder is as far as I will go
Because I'd probably lose myself in all the Pictures
And end up being someone I don't know.
So it's probably best I stay in Indiana
Just dreaming of the world as it should be
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

For more posts by me, do visit my more updated blog: http://doubtproof.wordpress.com

The Violence of Affection-based Obedience

2010-10-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Note: Phrases in italics are quotes from the podcast message.

I am thinking we must put teeth to our PASSION.

As I write this blog, a myriad of things are running amok in my mind and heart. I hope I get them organized enough to be able to write something with sense. I have just listened to a highly intense and stirring podcast message from www.ibethelmedia.org 's Kris Vallontton >> Babies Are Dying To Come Out. It is basically an exhortation exposing the philosophical and spiritual roots of abortion but it also tackles in it's intro the role of the Church in advancing God's Kingdom, how we cannot and must not accept the mediocre plight of simply being "church goers" but rather we must be Kingdom advance-rs.

There is a shift that is happening and it's a shift that we must advocate, that of shifting from coming to church to being the Church. To some of you, it might sound familiar but unfortunately, to others, it's absolutely new. That is why we who have come to an understanding of this must not take lightly the task of shaking up the rest of us for us to sober up to this reality.

You will know how close you are to the palace by how you respond to injustice! I think it is not just for me but for a handful of us (more specifically those people who, like me, have shared in the revelation of Affection-based Obedience by listening to an audio preaching we have been passing around online). God has been intensifying and establishing the right concept and even theology of Agape or God's unconditional love. We are being stirred up, gunned down, all-wrecked by an Encounter with the pure Love that casts out fear. A response seems but imperative.
It is but expected that such an unveiling of the eyes towards God must lead to an unveiling of our eyes to what is happening in the nations, in our nation, in our cities, in our churches, in our families. You will know how close you are to the palace by how you respond to injustice! How are we responding to injustice? Are we responding at all? I am not talking about getting angry, or going to rallies, or hating corrupt people so terribly we want to faint. By 'responding,' I mean, what are our hands and feet doing about it? Not just our mouths.

I don't know for how long now, and how huge a percentage of the Church have come to believe that the Church is primarily about membership and getting spiritually fed, when it IS NOT. It is so bothersome that what was intended to be a violent force that shakes up and creates trouble in marketplaces and street corners, has turned into a bless me hub that 'says peace, peace, when there is no peace.'

Jesus said I will build the church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it. Jesus said 'extend the kingdom.' 'Heal the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons and say the Kingdom's come near you!' Jesus said he'd build the Church and we'd extend the Kingdom. We're building the Church and we're wondering who's extending the Kingdom. And part of the struggle is that we think that the Church is the Kingdom...

This is why we love movements. Because ultimately, it is what Christianity is about. It's about moving out of that church seat and taking God's love and God's Kingdom outside the four walls of our churches. I'm not just talking about evangelism and missions. I'm talking about justice, confronting society with the Word of God, waving the message of righteousness and love, the Gospel that does not only transform individual lives but also transforms society by bringing it's laws, structures, systems, philosophies, ideologies and foundations to submission to God's Word. Then the Kingdom would have come closer and nearer to God's creation. That is why we pray, Your Kingdom come... We do not pray that we will go to heaven to see His Kingdom! We pull it down from heaven and impose it here on earth.

In short, WE MUST DO SOMETHING. Our innate structure - both biological and spiritual - is aching for this something that we have to do. We marvel at the Book of Acts and we wonder why not now? It is definitely the Holy Spirit trying to come out and break up our religiosity.

Please listen to this sermon. I truly recommend and the goal of this blog entry is really to make you listen to it. Babies Are Dying To Come Out. And when you're on that page, you might as well subscribe to Bethel Church's Sermon of the Week Podcast.

The sermon partly end's with this I'd like to propose to you that this is the generation with the answer, and the enemy knows it. In every deliverer generation (like Moses' and Jesus'), the enemy has come with the strategy of infantile homicide. We see this happening in America with the war against abortion. I pray not here in the Philippines. But yes, it may not be legal now, but it does not mean that Filipinos have not stained their hands with the blood of innocent babies. We've been seeing it in the news lately. Makes you wanna ask, what has our nation come to?

And so I would like to propose so many things but let me just propose these two nuggets of disturbing thoughts: First, what are we going to do about Jesus command to extend the Kingdom? Second, since you're alive right now, it only means that you survived abortion. We are that generation that has the answer, and I think, both individually (we are called to a mission that will shake hell to its core), and corporately (we are called to push back the works of darkness). Probably why a certain group in America calls themselves Soldiers of Light.

Twenty nine year ago, when my mom found out that she was pregnant with me, she became bothered and anxious. It was not going well between her and my dad. If this baby had not arrived, she could have taken the first step to solving her problem - starting a new life on her own. I definitely felt the impact of her anxiety during her pregnancy months manifesting as insecurity and paranoia even utpo my college and young-pro days... Thank God, what the enemy meant for evil, God had used for good.

What is your story? You were born to be in an amazing LOVE relationship with your creator. But you were also born to turn this world upside-down, just like Jesus did. Or should I say, greater things shall you do than what He did?

Stoked4Life: The Extreme Gene

2010-10-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

Stoked4Life: The Extreme Gene: "In 2007 a student named Eric Peabody from the California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo wrote an interesting article about th..."

The Heart's Rebuke

2010-09-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

And she did it again! For the third time I think, I got stood up! Well, maybe not exactly but almost. The difference between now and before is that I checked if we're pushing through with the meeting, an hour before our schedule. No, we weren't. I was just about to hit the grocery for a few food items to serve them. Good thing I asked.

What was so frustrating about today is the fact that I excused myself from an urgent work appointment just to make time for this. I was supposed to interview a company CEO for a feature article I'm writing as a freelancer. It was an urgent task supposed to be submitted tomorrow together with the other articles for the publication but since it requires more time to prepare, it was exempted from the deadline.

Well, my young friend doesn't seem to have an idea how terrible what she did was. It was as though she thinks it's normal.

²⁶"In your anger do not sin"^[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, Ephesians 4:26

So I'm left here doing deep breathing exercises. Whew! Of course it doesn't end here. I would like it too but the thing about relationships is that when something rough happens, you can't just run away. You gotta deal with it as soon as your anger subsides.

⁵ Better is open rebuke
than hidden love. - Proverbs 27:5

Honestly, I just want to rebuke. Not so much love. So how does one rebuke in love? Like every other hard thing in life, I know I do not have it in me but God has the grace for me. So yes God, thank you for this opportunity to be stretched, thank you for testing my love and proving it lacking apart from You, thank you for the refining. Now that I recall, I did ask for this. Just days ago, I prayed: test me, try me, prove me, refine me. Purify my heart and give me a love like yours. Another answered prayer I guess.

P.S.
This friend was not the only one who did this to me this month. That makes two of them! And that makes God's message extra clear, learn from this Riz. You're on patience and love workshop!

a fragment of the glory-ride

2010-05-17T14:12:00.000-07:00

If God were into seasonal trends, then His trend in my life during the past five months always involved two things: travel and divine appointment/s. First was in Cotabato, then Bangkok, then Cebu, then Cebu again (in the same month), then Baguio. For two of these five trips (Cotabato and Cebu), I had to take a step of faith, but not without a clear and strong sense of direct leading from the Lord, which was proven by the amazing fruits those trips brought... Read more

A Vote for the Children

2010-04-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'd usually avoid looking into their eyes after they place a recycled enveloped on my lap. Sometimes, I wouldn't even touch the envelope as I uncomfortably wait for them to get back for it after putting one on each jeepney passenger's lap. But always, I will not put anything inside. They must also feel shame and discomfort as I would, shame for begging. There are very few jobs that are more shameful than this. [Although their's is an evolved form of mendicancy, marked by a little more push by means of approaching their 'target' instead of waiting for them to pass by and drop a coin. Probably because the latter has lost its effectiveness. And the desperate time requires desperate measures. Truly, in this competitive age, you have to know how to make your 'product' more accessible to people.] Read more

His joy is my strength: sick tourist finds God's grace in Bangkok

2010-03-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

I just got back form Bangkok yesterday after almost exactly 72 hours in the city (oops, minus our half-day trip to Damnoen Saduak outside town). But yes, it was 72 hours in Thailand....

More than a week before our departure, I had already been suffering from a come-and-go sore throat that has developed into a cough right before we flew out of Manila. I had also been struggling with stressful conflicts in my schedules here in Manila with the regular mini Bible studies always being canceled... Read more

Necklaces from Bangkok - for sale...

2010-03-10T13:00:00.000-08:00

Link

Lou Engle on Voting

2010-03-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

Hi all, these are some notes I took from watching the video Lou Engle's preaching during the One Thing Conference at IHOP. Unfortunately, I can't find the link anymore. I'm trying to look it up though at the ihop.org site Resources section. (read more)

NEW BLOG ADDRESS!

2010-02-26T20:37:00.001-08:00

GUYS I'VE MOVED TO doubtproof.wordpress.com. Please visit me there! Thanks!!!

ako ay pilipino joins severo, salamin & rinka collective in 4-legged tour!

2010-02-14T15:38:00.000-08:00

February 12 Saguijo
March 5 6 Underground
March 13 Mag:Net High Street
March 19 Ten02

me without you

2010-02-13T19:19:00.000-08:00

there are more tears than words
more grief than tears
at the loss of right intentions
and the motivation to love
because love means sacrifice
so my pain is as real as my selfishness
and my not-letting-go

so there are more tears of striving
striving for words
striving to make my heart speak
what is pure, pure it overflows
right now, there is no overflow
from my

this is me,
my love, my intentions
myself

this is me without you
this is me when i am not abandoned to you
it gives my heart more pain to breathe
than to just stop breathing
lead me back to the altar
my only hope for joy

one hundred per cent

2010-01-31T18:23:00.001-08:00

one time i posted this as my facebook status: 100% yours. "yours" meaning God's. minutes after my status post, another friend of mine posted a similar status: 100% Yours too. yes, he opted to capitalize the first letter of the word "yours" to remove any obscurity. I have to admit, it made me laugh. I think that statement had some pretty cool impact because another friend of mine wanted to design a shirt using those words. everybody wants to be 100% huh?

i remember the first time i used that phrase. it was while praying on the stage during a JREV night. i was on my knees and i shouted those words on the microphone. "100% Yours God! we are 100% yours." and just like any prayer or statement we make (especially the ones we utter on the microphone, or before a great public for that matter), it is bound to be tested. for months now, God has been testing that profession of love. and just when i thought i was passing the test and the intensity of the fire is already about to cool down, i found myself mistaken. just yesterday, i realized that at the root of a stubble i've been going through is an un-surrendered right.

oh yes, i am not the kind of gal who will hold back anything from my Jesus. but just when i thought that i was running with 100%, my God exposes me, and shows me that there is something that has been gripping my heart with self-centeredness.

every time i am brought to a place like this one, a place of realization and wooing (being wooed by God), i remember God's words to his beloved people Israel, "your love is like the morning dew, it quickly disappears." how my 100 per cent has leaked out so rapidly is a mystery to me. i have guarded my heart, i have been careful, i have loved crazy. but my heart is ever unequipped to match the rigorous and radical love of a Savior who does not squint even in front of death. and yes, i am satisfied to admit that my heart, every now and then, needs re-calibration and refocusing. daily it needs to offer a sacrifice to keep that fire burning. daily it has to die.

so this is my 100%. a life embracing that my weakness proves his strength. a humbled heart accepting that my unfaithfulness ever proves his. and will that is broken for the sake of surrendering every part until i am truly 100% my Jesus'.

mustard seed

2010-01-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

dear daddy king,

it's been a while since i wrote you a note. but you know we always talk. i know that you KNOW how i feel right now. things are not as bad as before but my love for Jesus is being tested more than ever. my head already knows so much better. my hands and will are so much stronger. my heart is more discerning and desiring of things that are good for me. but the cost of obedience seem to have gone up and i find myself (once again) rummaging for something stronger than my own convictions and vows. i find myself searching where to download that faith of my very own daddy king, the faith that moves mountains. there must be more.

your riza

One Great Love

2010-01-04T07:21:00.000-08:00

(note: it's an ultra long blog i know. but to those who will dare read it, please do not be misled by the cheesy intro. do finish this entry before dismissing or judging it. and please do not quote me out of context. thank you very much and happy blessed 2010!)

One Great Love

Is there such a thing? For as long as I can remember, I have dreamt of finding mine. Someone whose eyes I can look into without saying a thing and yet find myself fully known. Fully understood. Wholly accepted. Made whole.

(I now find myself smiling as I write these words.)

Is there such a "one" for me that was made in heaven, crafted by the hands of the Divine, and soon to be carried to my doorstep by angels blushing in excitement? Alright alright… maybe that sounds like a bit too fantastic. But for 'hopeful romantics' like some of us, we do perceive that our love-story-to-be will be nothing less than serendipitous and heaven-crafted. God sent.

God must be preparing him right now, not religiously but with loving extravagance. And oh! The details must be like the details of a key, precisely match-made to unlock my heart! Hahaha! Okay okay, cheesiness ends here.

I am an artist at heart and I have an artist's moody and emotional temperament. It is not difficult for me to imagine superfluous scenarios. I have my 'own world' at times. A world that (I sometimes think) only I can understand. I look sane from the outside, but I am crazy in the inside. And there were those years in my life that were spent thinking that a "match made in heaven" will complete my profound view of life. (Gee…I wanna strangle myself right now.)

Then there were those years after I have surrendered my mind to Jesus for him to renew it with the washing of His word. But the heart has to catch up with the mind and as my emotions struggled against the truths about love life, God's will, and emotional wholeness, I learned to lean on God's grace that kept me sane through a season of purging.

So what does the Bible say about falling in love? Why did I struggle and why did I need so much grace? Did it paint LOVE to be less that what we hoped it would be? Did it say that we need to love Jesus first before Jesus gives us someone to love? Does the Word of God dampen our hopes and dreams? By far, NO! In fact, it takes us deeper to depths we have not fathomed or imagined was reachable. The unbelievable things that had been done "in the name of love"! It thrusts us into a realm of LOVE than confirms the VALIDITY of each and every LONGING, DESIRE, EMOTION, HUNGER, PAIN, DESPERATION, LONELINESS, EXCITEMENT, CRAZINESS that has touched our romantic heart.

But why struggle? It was because what I knew about LOVE (which I already perceived to be so deep and profound) pales compared to the TRUTH and REALITY of what love truly IS as the Bible depicts it. And in order for me to grasp and GAIN this new revelation and this astonishing gift that my JESUS offers, I had to lay down, surrender, my once AMAZING concept that turned out to be foolish and shallow, in order to gain the REAL THING.

I have waited for God to SATIFY my longings to be known, to be seen as beautiful, to be loved wholly and unconditionally… i waited for him to fulfill it by giving me "the one," my "God's best." And along the way, I have learned to surrender my own concepts and expectations. But after I surrendered, I found myself NOT LOSING my joy, but finding TRUE LOVE. Along the way, I found the God of my life -- the one who formed and created that vacuum in my heart --- pouring forth wine that satisfies, even to depths I never thought I would be satisfied, even to heights I never imagined I would reach.

The bride in Psalm 45 calls him the most beautiful of men, the most excellent of them all, and he is not only beautiful in personality, graceful in speech, but his heart is beautiful and his arm executes justice. He is both gentle and strong and majestic. He is the embodiment of everything that is good, that is lovely, that is adorable, that would melt a woman's heart, that would satisfy not just the longing to be loved or be caressed or be accepted, but his warrior heart and will satisfy our need to be protected and secured for his justice and mercy mingles and yet his eyes gently alights with such adoration for ME, his bride. Who could compare with such a MAN and such a LOVE. (Read the Song of Songs - in other words, the most beautiful of all songs.)

Many of us have reflected on that song (of Songs) while thinking of finding an earthly lover. Yes, it may also be used for that. But first and foremost, it is about the love of Jesus. And without a GREAT revelation of that LOVE and satisfaction from that love, we will never find satisfaction from the love of an earthly mate. And this is simply because we were FORMED and MADE to be loved by God. Our heart's desire is HIM. Whether you have realized it yet or NOW, your satisfaction and peace rest in your FINALLY FINDING HIM, Jesus, the GREATEST Lover of you soul. If we do find someone on earth to love and yet have not yet found SATISFACTION in God, our longing will continue and it will NEVER be satisfied UNTIL we go back to the author of that longing, for only in HIM can it be satisfied. (And oh yeah, the idea that a man will satisfy these desires is a big LIE that the enemy uses to sidetrack us from finding fulfillment in God.)

Some of us may say, yes I have already found that joy in the love of my Jesus, can I proceed to the earthly lover now? If there is still that sense of need and desperation for a man (or woman) to fill an empty space in you heart, Beloved, do not cheat yourself of TRUE LOVE! You will only get disappointed if you search for that fulfillment from a person other than God. It will never come. Yes, there might be momentary bliss, but it will also expire soon.

But run to your Lover. The one who has been waiting for you for such a long time. He will not hold back his affections for you (like those men we know do *wink*). You will discover that His love SATISFIES. He has written a saga of your love encounter unto your wedding day. Haha! He will make you fall over and over in love with Him if you will let Him. Read your story and know how crazy He is about you. And ask Him about it. Do not shun Him away. Please do not set Him aside. At that moment, I promise you, you will find that all these time, He is really that ONE GREAT LOVE that you have dreamed, waited, longed, and cried for.

My Lover is mine and I am His. I have found the One who satisfies. I have found my One Great Love! :)

bible and coffee before the ice show

2010-01-01T04:45:00.000-08:00

i was supposed to spend some bible/quiet time at coffee bean & tea leaf when i received an alarming news through text. i ended up spending 80% of my quiet time ranting over the phone. tsk tsk... and since there's no signal inside CBTL, i had to go in and out searching for signal. then i realized i have to finish my lemon squares and ice blended white chocolate dream by 1pm. "talk to you later sis!" opened my bible. finally got to read. swallowed the remaining pastry then rushed to mcdo where my aunt's fetching me for a 2pm Disney on Ice Show at araneta coliseum! hello Mickey and Minnie!

turning away from beauty

2010-01-01T00:57:00.000-08:00

this is the closest i have stood to embodiment
and the clearest view i have been given
of a dream, so sweet and pleasant
this is almost as real as happy ending
and i do not want to leave this place

this must be God's kindness
God's imagination unleashed for me to touch
this must be heaven
or a foretaste of it
this must be...

but why do i keep hearing you say
that something better awaits me?
if i will take my eyes away from this
and push my feet to leave
then i will find you on the other side

why do you lure me
and entice me
with beauty good as answer to a prayer?
why do you test me
and captivate me
only to tell me, 'time to let go'?

did i not vow faithful to you
beyond emotion
but grounded on decision?
have i not promised
your will will be done
beyond my own desire?

so this is me letting go
this is me unconcerned
this is me without a care in the world

so bitter will be sweet
pain will be comfort
loneliness will be satisfaction
surrender will be joy

for you are sweetness
you are comfort
you are satisfaction
you are joy

everything else can fade away

trust

2009-12-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

i am face to face

with eyes that beam like first glimpse of light

in an otherwise dark night

i am cheek to cheek

with warmth that lingers

in an otherwise freezing midnight

i have almost bumped into my dream

that ends the endless imagining

i am gripped with sweetness that longs to believe

that this is already the answer to my prayer

but beyond the bend

in this solid and finite path

the light has yet to shine

and my eyes yet to blink thousands in pleasant disbelief

as they alight on whatever sight that side of the world holds

yes, my guide says whatever this is that touches my face

that warms my cheeks, or teases my longings

are only foretastes of what i simply cannot miss

i long to hold on to this, hints of 'almost' and 'finally'

loosed from the sacred place called waiting

but hear, there is voice, the faithful child inside of me

once and ever captivated by that word of promise

that i never fully understood

and yet i chose to anchor upon

every fragile piece of tomorrow

things as delicate as my affections

on it i place upon my trust

completely

yes, my guide says whatever this is that touches my face

that warms my cheeks, or teases my longings

are only foretastes of what i simply cannot miss

i cannot stay here but i must let go...

his character and love

cannot be mocked or questioned

i hammer and seal every dangling piece of life i will ever know

upon that word

beyond the bend

of this place, i must let go...

in perfect trust

Jesus Revolution Mindanao

2009-12-27T03:49:00.001-08:00

http://bernicejoana.blogspot.com/2009/12/jesus-revolution-mindanao_26.html?spref=tw

servant to lover

2009-12-25T01:48:00.000-08:00

what happens after "kilig" moments? the days or months when we couldn't agree with God more and we do love the things He is telling us? what happens after the morning dew has disappeared and we are left with ourselves, God's word and God Himself?

the servant in us would say, "i will still follow. i will still obey." but how far would sheer will take us? the answer is, not very far. soon we realize that our flesh and soul are crying out for some kind of reward. on our own, we cannot really love and obey God could we? our most zealous moments, we come to realize, are actually fruits of the grace of God, manifestations of His love bubbling from inside us. it was not really "us" who were zealous, but God's Spirit that resides in us. but upon entering our valley, we come face to face with our selfish ambitions, our weakness, our stubbornness… yes, we still love God, but we must soon realize that we cannot really love God 'on our own.' we cannot really boast of our capacity to love Him! because even that capacity comes from him. so when the mountain peak begins to slope downward to lead us into the valley, we must remember to CLING to Him more tightly than ever.

we must let go of our "capacities" because they will eventually fail us. cause me not to be found clinging to my own perseverance and relentlessness! for even if i become the most enduring and passionate follower of His, my endurance and passion will both find their end somewhere. the sooner i let go of my pride and self-sufficiency, the sooner will i be able to love you more steadfastly. it is all grace. i cannot love you now, nor obey the hard things you have instructed unless you enable me. enable me,,, no, not 'push' or 'add to my strength' or 'assist' me. you have to en-able me. because apart from you, i can do nothing, not something or a bit, but nothing.

and ultimately, this is what enables me: "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master.' (hosea 2:16)

when i have ceased trying, after i have seen your eyes, they bring me to the place of simply loving. this is the grace of obedience. apart from your graces, i find it impossible to love unto obedience. so God, be my husband. let my obedience be un-boastful or proud, let it be broken and impassioned by your eyes of blazing fire.

rabbi

2009-12-14T22:01:00.000-08:00

"Teacher! Teacher!" Do you remember the last time you shouted this word with excitement? You were pleading for attention wanting to be given a chance to recite, or needing to be coached in a project or academic ordeal. "Teacher..." Some of us may not have had good memories of him or her. I, for one, was never really the type of student who would develop a close relationship with my teacher. Whether in academics or sports, I was never the "querying type" who would ask for help or assistance. Why I am that way is a another story though. But I am grateful to God for the opportunities I had to be taught and encouraged by my figure skating coaches...

Setting aside the encouraging words (which are by the way very valuable as well), what God reminds me with sweetness and joy today are those moments when my coach had explained to me patiently and carefully how to do a jump, a particular spin, or dance step. I remember his clear and firm words describing and detailing technique and strategy in figure skating maneuvers. He would use analogies, physics, actual demonstrations, teaching aids like markings on the ice, the harness, a string, a dumbell, a paper illustration or what you have, just to be able to impart to me knowledge and the closest possible thing to experience... in order for me to learn and succeed in the sport. Oh yeah, if not for his patience and creativity, many things I can do not would not have been possible for me to do.

As I was reflecting on this day's events (and STRUGGLES), I am suddenly caught by a name Jesus has, a name that I never really thought of calling him. It is the name Rabbi. Jesus, my Rabbi, my Teacher! I was never a teacher's (or coach's) pet because I've always been the independent and not-so-friendly type of student. haha. But to God, I always ask questions. Yeah, sometimes even what I should wear, or how to organize my itinerary. Oh ya, I asked the dumbest questions of all time knowing no one else will know anyway.

Today, I found Jesus telling me, "I am your TEACHER. See how I am teaching your heart to listen, to discern, and to refute ungodly beliefs. See how I am training you to think, to speak, and to decide? Do you not notice that with every ordeal, I am increasing your wisdom and strategizing skill? Have you not noticed Riza? I am your TEACHER! And I am right behind you like a skating coach, reminding you or introducing to you new concepts and truths." Whoa! He is indeed patient and concerned. When my heart has been beating with pressure and tension, he was earnestly watching with fingers crossed, hoping I'd take the risk of jumping with all my might despite the fear of landing on my butt. And after each attempt whether successful or not, he eagerly greets me with additional inputs and corrections, with encouragement or rebuke. He is my Teacher. :)

There were no tongues of fire today. But through my long day of errands and first times... there was a voice and a hand, well... two hands... I did not feel it right away until He whisphered it to me. But yes, he was there STEADY and CONFIDENT in me as ever, even as I trembled my way through a path of new lessons and nervewrecking stints.

I love you Rabbi.

Peace (Only) in the Inconvenient

2009-12-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

in some cases, one may call it impractical, or unwise, but in this particular case, i would call it DIS-obedience. and if this personal revelation would also be for most of my readers, then God must be calling you (as he has also called me) to recognize the fact that this is not the time to wait for CONVENIENT circumstances to come before we actually start doing the things he has impressed in our hearts.

i sense an intensified call to OBEDIENCE of a more radical kind, the one that makes people wonder why we're doing "this." and now that it occurred to me, isn't that that this is really the kind of obedience that CHANGES communities and nations? Acts of obedience that rock the boat, acts of sacrifice that make the world begin to question their level of commitment, ventures into the inconvenient that make even the fiery, question their passion. because if we do not allow our lives to be shaken, how can we shake the world?

i am flying to Mindanao this week. originally, i was not supposed to. it was just way too inconvenient. when i received a "mild" burden and excitement to go, i really did consider going. but...:

(1) i got a bit intimidated by the expensive air fare. entry point will be davao. gone were the days of piso-fare...

(2) next, the date schedule was simply 'impossible.' jrev night kidapawan will be on the evening of december 21. i was part of a wedding entourage here in manila on december 22 - 2pm - venue in taytay rizal.

(for those of you who are familiar with NCR geography, taytay is at the other end of the Metropolitan map, at the other end would be the airport. Traffic is also terrible going to that area. and yes, since i'm a girl, i am expected to fix my hair and wear some make up.)

then a 2-hr land travel is required to reach kidapawan, and vise-versa. the last flight out of davao is at around 10pm, an impossible flight to catch coming from a jrev NIGHT 2 hrs away from the airport. the best flight would be a 6:50 am flight the next day meaning i'd have to leave kidapawan at 4am that next day. i didn't want to 'inconvenience' my hosts... therefore i concluded that this plight is SIMPLY IMPRACTICAL and IMPOSSIBLE.

(3) my additional reason was that i know my dad too well. he is definitely not in the business of taking risks when it comes to schedules and commitments. unless God comes down from heaven and tells him to, he is not going to let me go, or at least not in peace.

(4) the next to the last reason came in just a few days ago. the increasing tension and violence in mindanao are not exactly reassuring to parents considering to send their youngest daughter to the place.

but tell you what. just last tuesday, God opened my eyes to my disobedience. the funny thing is that it had not been a highly conscious decision (to disobey). i simply brushed aside the idea aside because of the obvious inconveniences it will bring. i ASSUMED that God did not want me to go even if my spirit is telling me the opposite. darn. and i actually thought i was just being RESPONSIBLE, PRACTICAL, and WISE!

...until i could no longer deny the absence of peace every time i am reminded of kidapawan and my decision not to go. at first i though maybe God was just asking me to pray. but lo and behold...

days before i decided to go to kidapawan, God woke me up the night after the solemn assembly (meaning the night when i was really really drop-dead-tired), i felt a leading to pray, which i brushed aside making the excuse that i'm too tired right now. (i mean i just prayed the whole day right?) then i realized later how proud and disobedient i had been. which led to the realization that if i really was hardheaded, it's so easy to simply brush aside God's instructions. days after that, he reminded me again of kidapawan and i realized i had been desensitizing myself from the Spirit's leading for the past months...

so repentance meant "making a way." and that's what i did. it was difficult during the first stretch. (my good! bernice, kidapawan jrev mobilizer, could not be reached and there seem to be no buses traveling from kidapawan to davao at 4 in the morning!) and the air fare makes me wanna burst into tears! LOL. but oh yeah, as i entrusted my itinerary to God's faithfulness, things just got ironed out. (bernice finally called me up.) my parents FINALLY said yes. and my pastor gave me his blessing. whew. God even gave me an intercessor for the trip. and someone gave me 1,000 pesos for the trip. oh yeah, it's going to go to the air fare ya know... an unexpected provision for lodging in davao was arranged by another friend... ya, i'm spending the night there before bernice picks me up the day after my arrival in davao...

and yes yes,,, peace like a stream is now flowing in my my heart. thank you Jesus for the RED LIGHT. the BUZZER. i almost missed it but as usual, you made a way. Your grace covers me.

Faith and Unsurpassed Intimacy

2009-12-13T03:20:00.001-08:00

It was June 18 when I asked God for a word. A series of events led to it. My NBSB friend suddenly resigns from her post as NBSB club president, another close friend receives a prophetic vision about her friends (which includes me), and God seemed to be up to something that season. I had to pray. I did not wanna miss out on what God has. I prayed hard.

"What is your word for me God? Is this the season or not?" I knew in my heart that I want nothing less than what God wants. Even if it means laying down things dear to me at that time - not exactly a pleasant thought.

The act of sacrifice can be intimidating when you consider the pain factor involved in giving up something that you have fallen in love with. But what (or who) could compare with what God's mind has conceived? And I knew that no matter what happens, I will be found wrestling for God's best, even if it doesn't make sense at the moment. The mere fact that it is God's BEST has to be enough reason to cling to it, even if I don't really understand what that meant. Even if I had not seen or conceived it, the mere fact that it carries the name of my God, that it brings the aroma of His presence, the mere fact that it was something that springed forth from the heart of the Man who loves me, it has to be MORE THAN enough.

So I waited that morning for God to whispher a word that would bring me peace and joy.

The word did not come quickly. Perhaps because God saw my heart. I had to renew my decision to lay down my preferences and fears. And this was what I got.:

(1) June 18 entry of My Utmost for His Highest Devotional by Oswald Chambers: "If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you."

Then WOAH! Suddenly I was reminded of an old word. I had to stop in the middle of the devotional entry. My mind and heart resisted the word. God had spoken to me some 2 years before that, a word that took every ounce of faith to carry. I have had a love-hate relationship with that word. In times of confirmations, I loved the word. During times of testing, I hated it. I wanted God to take it back and so I returned it to him, not knowing he was just waiting for the right time to give it back. (Uh-oh)

Then it came so clearly, God's voice... "Riza, my word has not changed. It is the same." On one hand, it is so reassuring to know that the God I love is 100% unshakeable, faithful, and steadfast in his word. On the other hand, I wanted "out." I had a better idea in mind when I approached my prayer time that day. It was a perfect idea. I loved it and it was wonderfully spiritual and in line with my calling. By this time the tears and sobbing had become uncontrollable.

"Oh I must be imagining this. Is that really you God???"

Then came the next word:

(2) August 29 entry in My Utmost for His Highest Devotional by Oswald Chambers. And this one brought it home.: "But common sense is not faith, and faith is not common sense... Can you venture out with courage on the words of Jesus Christ, while the realities of your commonsense life continue to shout, "It’s all a lie"? When my strength runs dry and my vision is blinded, will I endure this trial of my faith victoriously or will I turn back in defeat?" And so on and so forth.

Oh! Same word same word same word I had tucked away years back. It hurts to hear them again!

The title of this devotional entry happened to be "The Unsurpassed Intimacy of Tested Faith" and from there the message is pretty clear... The reason God allows the words He's given us to be tested is not to make our lives difficult. The reason why He is giving me the word again is not because He's so strict that He simply cannot give me something that would "make my life easier." Remembering that prayer time on June 18, it is with sweetness that I understand it now as God's relentless way of pursuing me.

Oh yes! God's desire for INTIMACY was to be pursued through the testing of my faith! Because it is in the testing of my faith that a bond between me and my God could be forged. Imagine a woman whe believes every word her man says. Is that not a picture of intimacy? I realize, God is wanting to take me to a place where even if all my senses would be disabled, I would still believe and trust in Him. This is faith. And this is intimacy. Knowing who God is in the absence of tangible proof. It is knowing His word as truth in the absence of any kind of assurance EXCEPT the INTIMATE KNOWLEDGE of truly knowing Him and His LOVE.

Yes, I did not receive a new word. It was re-launched to once again walking by faith and not by sight as I once again accepted from God a word that I had rejected.

But this time I knew it was different. There was no longer to be any room for doubt. What God has made clear, He has made clear. This time it seems irreverent to question. For God, He has spoken clearly enough. It was my turn to exercise faith. It was my turn to lean on Him. This is our newfound intimacy.

letter from mike bickle and lou engle

2009-12-06T17:16:00.001-08:00

(i really wanna go. who wants to join?)

from http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=408033866&blogId=519818699

"Dear Friend,

http://www.ihop.org/Publisher/Article.aspx?ID=1000058463

We stand at a critical juncture in our nation's history. It is time to encounter God and to take action. The Holy Spirit is visiting His people with power. At the same time, the powers of darkness are raging against the moral fabric of our nation. The light is getting brighter as the darkness gets darker.

Many of you will have heard of the spiritual awakening at our Bible school. On Wednesday, November 11, the Spirit fell on a class for more than 15 hours. The word spread quickly and over 2,000 people spontaneously gathered in the auditorium from all over Kansas City, as deliverance and physical healings continued to increase. We canceled our classes for the next week so that each one of our 1,000 students and interns could receive from the Spirit in an extended way.

We decided to meet nightly from 6:00pm to midnight because His manifest presence continues to increase. Visitors are pouring in from many places across America to partake of this spiritual awakening.

We will continue these evening meetings until our onething conference, December 28–31, 2009, when we are expecting 20,000 young adults to gather for worship, teaching, and to participate in the supernatural ministry of the Spirit.
Last year, over 16,000 young adults attended this conference. We are still hearing testimonies of lives that were changed. This year, we are expecting to receive even more from the Spirit. We believe that this will be a historic and important conference, and encourage you to attend.

The theme for onething'09 is "What is the Spirit saying to the Church?" Our team will proclaim what we believe the Spirit is prophetically speaking to the Church in this hour. We will also share practical ways in which we can “adopt” high schools and colleges across our nation as we envision young people to impact each sphere of society with works of justice and acts of compassion. At the conference, we will have extended ministry times to receive healing, renewal, and impartation from the Spirit. We believe that the Spirit will release His power at this conference, as evidenced by what He is currently doing in our evening meetings.

Mark Anderson, a senior international leader in YWAM who also works closely with Campus Crusade for Christ, will host forums for leaders to discuss how we can systematically evangelize entire cities and campuses in partnership with the houses of prayer in their area. Mark has remarkable insight that comes from his 30 years of successful ministry in evangelism. The Lord has given him some bold new strategies for this hour.

The crisis in our nation is real. The serpentine stranglehold of abortion continues to squeeze the life out of over 4,000 wombs daily. Sexual immorality, both heterosexual and homosexual, are reaching epic heights of perversity. The number of women and children being trafficked into the dark underbelly of the sex industry in our cities is growing at an alarming rate. Entire school systems are giving way to darkness. The sanctity of marriage is under siege, threatening to destroy the moral foundations of our nation.

We will also address the growing crisis that is emerging in many churches across America. A new wave of confusion is systematically seducing many young adults into deception. Sincere young people whose hearts were once ablaze for Jesus are being allured into compromise on foundational biblical truths and practices, while at the same time they are increasing in works of compassion and justice. No amount of increased ministry activity can “balance out” their profound spiritual compromises.

In the name of tolerance, they are settling for a humanistic and "politically correct" theology that trivializes the glory of Jesus. Many young adult ministries are falling prey to this as they are seeking “relevance” that dulls the razor’s edge of truth for the sake of man’s approval. It is not enough to mention Jesus’ name if they deny foundational truths about Him. Our works of justice must flow from deep allegiance to Jesus and the Scripture.

Our nation has never stood on such a precarious footing as today. The onslaught of spiritual darkness is increasing in our classrooms, boardrooms, courtrooms, and bedrooms. We must confront the confusion that is pouring forth from many pulpits as well as from the halls of Washington. It is time to draw a line in the sand. We must hear what the Spirit is saying and we must act on it. The Spirit will confirm the truth with demonstrations of power.

It is darkest before the dawn. Our hearts are full of faith. We know another historic "Great Awakening" is soon to sweep across our nation. We look with confidence to God’s promise: “In the last days . . . I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh (Acts 2:17-21). All nations will receive the witness of kingdom with power (Mt. 24:14; Rev. 7:9). What a privilege to live in this awesome hour of history.

At this very hour, Jesus is raising up young adults who are being mobilized to cry out in night and day prayer, win the lost, heal the sick, and do works of compassion and justice as they impact the very fabric of our society. Join us in Kansas City from December 28–31. The onething’09 conference is FREE. You can register at http://IHOP.org

With passion for Jesus,

Mike Bickle and Lou Engle"

ALTAR

2009-12-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

when dreams of waterfalls
turn into mountain slopes that crumble
it makes me ask again
why am i here in the first place?

then plays a song that brings the answer:
"i will waste my life
i'll be tested and tried
with no regrets inside of me
just to find i'm at your feet"

it was a pledge of love and obedience

when a call is special and sweet
it tickles the ears and caresses the heart
it is easy to heed

but tell me what will you do
when the tickles turn into a cold wind
and the caress begins to throb like a stab wound?

when suddenly the future loses its spark
and sacrifices seem weightier than its rewards
will you still heed?

and when you are brought to an altar
where love must be proven by a choice
will you lie down?

will you follow only because it satisfies your pretty visions?
or will you follow because you have learned to love him
more than dreams, more than future, more than life...

speak

2009-12-01T02:38:00.000-08:00

say it in words that i understand
not in codes, signals, or gestures
i know they mean much to you
but when they reach me
they leave me with nothing but questions

maybe, you do not realize
even trickles of vagueness
have the power to bring waves
of confusion
could you please
say it in a language i know?
in syllables that i can interpret with certainty?
so much of it could get lost in translation

but then perhaps,
there is really nothing to say
and there were really no gestures or signals or codes
this i am bound to believ
in a matter of seconds or days

unless you say otherwise,
in words that do not lie
in ways that leave no room for doubt

Nazirite Training USA Schedule(s)

2009-11-30T23:16:00.000-08:00

an email from JREV USA
--------

You are invited to attend the next Nazirite Training in February 2010.

The last training in October was powerful, and many received breakthroughs, healing, and equipping to move in their destinies. You don't want to miss out!

Now more than ever, America needs to have Elijahs and John the Baptists rise up on behalf of the nation. We need a generation of Nazirites, who are consecrated and set apart for such a time as this. The Nazirite Vow outlined in Numbers 6 is paralled in 2 Chron. 7:14, and can be summed up in the following equation:

Humility + Hunger + Holiness = Hear + Forgive + Heal your land

www.jesusrevusa.com

Phase 1 will give you an in-depth understanding on HUMILITY. You will learn the different types of pride, true vs. false humility, meekness, the importance of spiritual covering, among others. The Bible states many times that "God exalts the humble." Humility is absolutely vital, as we take our stand in the gap and pray for our nation.

Phase 2 presents powerful teachings on HOLINESS, and can only be attended after Phase 1 has been completed. You will hear insightful teaching regarding holiness, God as holy, the law of love, the make up of man, and other sessions. "You must be holy, as I am holy." (2 Pt.1:15)

Please see attached flier for details. Visit our website to read more about JRev and the Nazirite Training, as well as to download the registration and application forms. Training is open to all born again believers. If you would like to have a packet of information mailed to you, please reply to this email with your name and address, and we will gladly mail you one.

For questions and to request information, call (626)818-0707 or (562)556-3204.

God Bless-

Dawn Beard

Jesus Revolution USA

why today? (a plea to all my Christian contacts)

2009-11-22T19:09:00.000-08:00

as i stepped into the 7-day countdown to the JREV Solemn Assembly, i realized that i have neglected the burden and responsibility to write even just a short note on what the Solemn Assembly is about. i have been so busy in "other" JREV tasks that i failed to at least inform my contacts WHAT i'm doing and WHY they should CHOOSE to be a part of it.

so what is the solemn assembly?
1 - It is a gathering of Christians
2 - to FAST and PRAY
3 - for their city or nation, and in this case, it's for our nation

why is there a need for a solemn assembly?

Joel 2:15 says, "blow the trumpet in zion, call a fast, gather the people..." it goes on to emphasize that ALL must gather, including those in their honeymoons! and yes, ALL must fast, including the pets!

but why now? it is because the nation has come to a CRUCIAL season where the prayers of the saints have more say in the SHAPING of our HISTORY more than ever. The future of a nation is in the hands of those who will pray (with hearts consecrated before God with a hunger for Him to come). And if we, His people, who have been called to pray, do not seize this hour of challenge to become the hinge of history, who knows who might steal the hour of our redemption? It would be a shame to lose by default. we have been given the CALL, the MANDATE, and the PROMISE. now, everything hinges on our obedience. are we going to have a HUMBLE GATHERING of selfless (and agenda-less, [no politiking and no campaigning]) time of praying and fasting for the nation?

if you believe in prophesy, you will see that prophetic words (available in my blog) have pointed toward this time (kairos and chronos alike!) in our nation's timetable. but you need not have to believe in prophesy to sense the urgency of this hour. if you are not deaf and naive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, you would know that He is calling you to rise up for your nation, NOW more than ever before.

So I challenge everyone.

First, join us in fasting and prayer on November 30 (a holiday) at The Arena in Pinaglabanan San Juan. (admission is free)

Second, do not just come. Prepare your hearts for an encounter. And prepare your hearts for intercession.

Third, resound the call. Now. Meaning 0 to 5 seconds. Urgency has never been more clear.

for more information about JREV Solemn Assembly, visit www.jesusrev.com. You can also see in the website a short promo video.

p.s.
need i say it? one of the main agendas is to cover the upcoming elections/campaigning season in prayer. and definitely, not endorse a candidate.

Relate-tionship

2009-11-20T15:55:00.000-08:00

I can relate.

This is one of our most-liked experiences in our relate-tionships. It happens when something that had happened to us happens to another person. We watch that person respond, or talk about how it happened. He need not go down to the tiniest detail, we get it already, completely, with heart pounding, and emotions swelling, as we say the words, "i can relate!"

I can't relate.

This feels terrible at times. It happens when our close friends tell us about something we had never experienced. We watch his face shift from calm to ecstasy to melancholy to anxiety and back to joy and peace. We stare at him and try to absorb the 'vibes.' But nada. We just can't relate. Some things cannot be forced. After he has finished his monologue, we are still staring at him, face blank.

I'm trying to relate.

The more we know the person, this 'trying to relate' becomes easier. Even things we had never experienced, we begin to experience through another person. Things we do not really care about, we begin to have a burden for, simply because the one we love cares about it. We begin to go out of our little selfish world and we discover that the world does not revolve around us. And we realize, it does not really take two people who are the same in order to make them one.

Do you love the Philippines? (to all my contacts, online stores, and other networks who love our nation)

2009-11-19T12:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends!

Here are sample pages from the book, "Ako ay Pilipino," the very first project of a movement that was recently (2 months ago) founded by a missionary couple who happened to be friends of mine.

The movement, Ako ay Pilipino Noon at Ngayon, is more than just another patriotic propaganda but it grounded on a belief that at the core a movement for transforming a nation, should be God and our divine destiny, and not just sheer humanistic zeal.

Quoting what the movement's founders said, "We believe that this country has a great destiny and is capable of being great... we understand that this message needs to be revealed to the masses. It needs to be realized. It needs to be proclaimed, sparking hope and light in the midst of the present uncertainty."

Thus, the book was launched as a first step to pursuing this vision.

The book traces "the richness of the Philippine history to understand how we can move forward from here..." It seeks to "change the mindset of Filipinos today, declaring their true identity as God intended them to be, and thus help fulfill the destiny that is theirs to claim."

But the book is but a launching pad, through which we hope many would begin to catch the vision and begin running with us.

The movement imagines total media invasion through short films, music, events, and what you have's.

Quoting again from the movement's founders, "[o]bviously, one single book cannot answer all of these questions. But as you hear about the rich history of this nation - where we have come and where we are going - we believe that God will begin to open your eyes to the bigger picture of the Philippines' place in the world today."

Friends, let us love our nation passionately. There is no better time to do that than now! It is my hope that you would support this movement by sharing this book to everyone you know. Let's help change the mindset of our nation one page at a time. :)

Thank you guys for your time and interest and God richly bless you!

Riza Olaguer
kriegs_tanzer@yahoo.com

P.S.
The pages are available in higher resolution (so you can actually read the text written on it) at the temporary (multiply) website. Also, for more info about ako ay pilipino movement, please check: http://akoaypilipino2010.multiply.com

readable sample page:

P.P.S.
Book has 350 pages of full color print and high quality paper. I piece costs P500.

How you can help:

1) Promote the book by forwarding this email or sharing the album link - Ako ay Pilipino Sample Pages Photo Album or this blog.

2) Help us find bookstores who might want to display/promote/sell the books.

3) Connect us to people, organizations, or businesses who might want to support the vision
a. by promoting the book
b. by sharing their talents (in film making, writing, events management, etc.)

4) Through financial support

buckle up

2009-11-12T12:43:00.001-08:00

let's keep our gear up. it's 16 days to the Solemn Assembly. yesterday til today, my cellphone's being plagued by prayer requests. i'm personally tied up with my deadlines. let's keep our eyes WIDE OPEN and our mouths continually declaring God's PRAISES. let's not dwell on what the enemy is doing but marvel at the HOLINESS of our God.

He is still holy, even if arrows are flying over your head from all directions. DECLARE that He IS.

It's time war gracefully into victory.

the Cost of the Cause (in Peso)

2009-11-09T17:52:00.000-08:00

How much of us does God want? Remembering last night's exhortation, I ask the question, "how much have I consecrated my finances for Jesus?" You see, I have gone even as far as giving a month's pay to support missions. (This is not to boast but I am driving a point here so please bear with me.) Today as I meticulously try to make ends meet, I realize that I have not really sacrificed enough. I really cried at the pain I felt thinking of how little was left with me because I obeyed the Lord. But given the chance to do it again, I would give again, even more than a month's pay. But why am I in tears?
See, I have enough to survive... even to spend for recreation and a good haircut. But I am in tears, I realized, because I still wanted the best of both worlds -- the best of Jesus and the best of materialistic pursuits. Was it not Jesus who said, "You cannot serve two masters. You will love one and hate the other."? God is gently untangling the chords of control. I have given yes. But I realized I have reserved for myself self
-pity and the right to certain pleasures that I should have sacrificed long ago. I understand that some of us can give tens of thousands or even millions and yet not feel a bit of pain in our pockets. And some of us have felt the pain and yet we have not YET really fully surrendered to God. How is that possible? Consecration is an issue of the heart. A heart fully consecrated is overjoyed by opportunities to sacrifice for the sake of our King. It does not COUNT THE COST. Today I realize, until the day that we have ceased COUNTING, we have not really given God our ALL. (But then again, this is one of those "i die daily" things that God teaches us and takes us through from glory to glory. So don't feel bad if you have only given him seemingly so little. God looks at the heart. As for me, God is asking
for more of it again...)

As I reflected on this, I was reminded of the sacrifices of our nation's heroes. We have not really come to this point of sacrifice, but just imagine, If God finds such willingness to LIVE (and not just die) for a cause in this generation that we have, then what else is not possible for this generation to do? Read on.:

A Story about Del Pilar
(from the book, “Looking Back” by Ambeth Ocampo)

… I can sympathize with Marcelo H. Del Pilar who had to leave his wife, Chanay, and children, Sofia and Anita, to escape arrest for his writings…Then as now, there is no money in honest journalism. Del Pilar died a pauper in Barcelona on 4 July 1896. He was hungry and freezing, there was friction between him and Rizal over politics, he wanted to go home but didn’t have the money for passage back to the Philippines…Anita del Pilar sent her impoverished father one peso. Del Pilar was probably thinking of Anita’s thoughtfulness while he walked around the streets of Barcelona, picking up
cigarette butts to smoke…Poor diet and freezing weather caused his health to deteriorate. He couldn’t afford an apartment with adequate heating, so he froze during winter. Del Pilar’s letter dated 4 February 1890 is a thousand times more heart-wrenching … “The illness I had did not last long. I felt a chill one night when I was sleeping because it is very cold here and our house does not have heating. It was all right when winter had not set in. Because of the cold, I vomited a lot…"

I feel that a generation of heroes is challenging us and the vows we have uttered, "are you really LIVING for the CAUSE?" It is not enough to say you are willing to die because for most of us, it does not really come to that point of 'life or death' situations. But we have THIS LIFE that we live - the time that we spend, the money that we splurge, our thoughts that captivate our moments. It's time to consecrate these for Jesus.

Set your self apart (nazir). Every part.

PROPHECIES FOR THE PHILIPPINES by Rev. Abu Bako, November 21-23, 2006

2009-11-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

(note: I just copied this verbatim from the IFP's handout for the 17th National Prayer Gathering. Please forgive errors in syntax or grammar you might notice.)

I've got news from you, from the little that I know of God. This is a DIFFERENT TIME altogether in the seasons of God's dealings with the Philippines. This is a different season altogether. This is the time that there will be a REBIRTH of a NEW NATION.

And from this night I believe that God shall begin to express Himself in all the facets of society. For we are about to see so much of the manifestation of God in the family like we have never seen before. I see God changing this nation into a different type of nation which it shall become like an apostle and an evangelist. Listen to that again. I see God take this nation to a place that the nation itself has an apostolic mandate and a calling and a nature on her and then also an evangelistic mantle. Because this nation is going to begin to even reach out to so many nations, and I see that in 5 years time
, God will cause people to begin to marvel whether it's the same Philippines they knew before. For I hear God saying, in another 18 months I will give yo clearly a SIGN that I'll come to turn around the situation in this nation. And I see God beginning to move people as people listen to Him, within 9 months the church will begin to receive REPOSITIONING. I see God reposition people, I see God reposition even people in the government, and I see God doing some shakings, and as He shakes, He's going to begin to shake out those things that have to be shaken out, and will begin to plant that which has to be planted. I see God beginning to change even the PSYCHE & the DISPOSITION & the MINDSET of people in this nation. I see God bringing the Filipinos to a place where indeed they understand they are SERVANTS of the Most High God, but they are NOT INFERIOR to any man, or any race. And I see God bringing the Filipinos to a place where indeed they will become the ones that help in many other nations.

"As He is, so ARE WE in this world." I want you know the reason why the church needs to move forward is because this is the season of the BEGINNING of the END-TIME REVIVAL. I heard that clearly from God. God said at the end of last year, that this year will be the beginning of the End-Time Revival, then about 8, 9 weeks ago, God said specifically, this is the season. Since we are in different season, you must have a different attitude, different disposition, different way of doing things, and from now on, your prayer life must become a different type of prayer life. And every LIMITATION is about to be taken out of your life, in the Name of Jesus.

PRAYER: "Every limit in your life, I command to be lifted now in the Name of Jesus. Every HINDRANCE in your life, I declared removed in the Name of Jesus. Every single thing that has DISSUADED you, DELAYED you, DENIED you access into the place

God meant for you, I declare it removed it the Name of Jesus. I judge every spirit of lethargy, I judge every spirit of laziness, I judge every spirit of procrastination, I judge every spirit of lateness, I judge every spirit that causes you to be late to wherever God wants you to go in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ. And I usher you into your POSITION IN GOD, your position in life, your position in this season, your position in this generation In the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ, I bind every spirit of limitation, I bind every spirit that hinders, I bind every spirit of oppression. In the Name of Lord Jesus Christ, I declare you ushered into a place of FREEDOM, that you will the one that will go delivering the people of God."

(Nov. 22, 2006 Afternoon Session) Did you know that from this night, the limits your life have had had been taken off? Two significant things that are going to happen. Two nations that have exploited the PHilippines are going to begin to seek ways to make reparations within the next 2 years. Just mark it down. But beyond that, God is going to cause people to arise from here with new technologies to exploit, not in the negative sense, but be able to access the wealth that is n the land, in such a way that you will end up being an example to many Asian countries, and God is going to begin to give you technologies to replenish the land. That's what I just saw.

(Nov. 22, 2006 Last Session) I see unprecedented levels of the manifestation of the angels of God. There will be angelic manifestation at unprecedented levels. People are going to begin to see angels. People are going to begin to hear conversations in the realm of the Spirit. You will hear angels conversing about the Philippines. You'll hear angels speaking concerning certain things in the Philippines. The family units and the family structures of the Philippines are going to be re-arranged. I see God doing that within the next 1 year, 2 months or just 14 months.

I see God re-arranging some things right now. I see God begin to re-arrange some things in the government of the Philippines. I see a clear sign in 10 months. I see another sign in 18 months. I see God begin to shake and shake and shake and shake and shake, so that those things which cannot be shaken are left. I see God arising and beginning to reign in all those that have been trying to devastate the land, and trying to oppress man, and oppress the people of the land. I see God begin to reign them in.

I see angels going now, releases (???)the kingdom in check. Oh I see God releasing different kinds of angels, angels that are in charge of war. I see them go to various strategic locations, 3 locations right now in this proclamation and beginning to arrest every trouble-maker. I see God arise and His enemies are scattering in different directions. I see God beginning to do some things that people have not even dreamt could be done in this nation. I see God begin to cause men and women that have never acknowledged Him, they begin to acknowledge Him publicly.

I see also certain visitations of things that will look like natural disasters, but He is just waiting to see what the Church will do in response. For when the Church arises, it shall be able to stop some of those things coming. I see floods, floods, floods, but when the Church arises, the floods shall be stopped. I see some things happening, that God is causing men and women that are ready to take their rightful position, and speak into the winds, and speak into the sun, moon , the starts, into the heavens, and say, "O heavens, hear the Word of the Lord. This is what God is saying." And they will begin to see God respond in such a way that they themselves will be astounded, says God. Hallelujah.

(Nov. 23 Consultation - Scepter Teaching) Jesus can begin to rule in the Philippines and Jesus will rule in the Philippines. Jesus is about to rule in the Philippines. I see Him ruling in the Philippines. I see the fact that He is raising people all over the nation, from different parts of the nation, some of them are not even here in the meeting and God is beginning to raise them and you hear them popping out from different directions. And they will begin to take their rightful place. And they will begin to declare and say, "not when I'm here this cannot happen. You cannot continue." And you will see God will bak them up because they have allowed themselves to become scepters in His hands. And then it will be the time for you to pray, "God, we strengthen that scepter. We say Lord, go ahead and raise more scepters. And Lord, help us not slip into the room of jealousy. But let us get into the room of reinforcement in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ." For the time is coming that God will raise more and more of His own scepters in this nation. And I see the Spirit of God beginning to move people and stir them up. Some of them don't fully understand, that will be the time you need to go to them and show them what it is all about, in the spirit of meekness and not the spirit of pride. And you will show them because God Himself will now begin to promote more and more even those in this place. For I see that in the next three and a half years, God will bring the church into the place where she has such a voice that literally she has the deciding vote.

so, who's following you (on twitter)?

2009-11-08T12:30:00.000-08:00

i realized that i have not yet checked my list of twitter followers for quite some time now. people who i believe i am not following just suddenly mention me in their tweets so i thought i'd better update my following list...

i only have very few followers. just a bit over a hundred. allow me to categorize them.:
1. friends
2. causes and organizations
3. seo/mktg ppl who are there to promote services, websites and what you haves (so they follow me bec. they want me to follow them so their sites will get more hits.
4. uncategorized

it is the last category that interested me much. these are practically people i do not know, neither are they promoting anything, their tweets seem to be personal and not marketing inclined, and uhm their not exactly form nearby...

to those with twitter accounts, i guess you know what i mean. i am baffled why some of those people are following me. one of them has a korean name. errr. is a korean following me? why? one of them is from America and i can't even understand the slang words in his twitter posts. hahaha. but another one has really funny and interesting tweets so i followed him. hey, i guess they're not the only ones allowed to follow people they don't know right? even if you don't have any common interests, you just happened to thing their tweets are funny.

so, who's following you?

(and do their profiles make you ask, do i know you???)

2009-11-08T07:51:00.000-08:00

dear God,

once again it's 11:52 pm and i simply have to tell you something. something i do not exactly know. i just know there is something. oh, i have asked you my questions... some of them are questions whether to ask you the question, and questions on what to ask you. it is cowardice to keep on asking you for such things?

i miss the newness of hearing things i've never heard. i miss the sweetness of amazement of discovering my capacity to believe. there is room for more. but how far am i willing to make room? there is much to fill before we finally reach the brim. emptiness is a daily undertaking i am committed to. i have had my yesterday's fill. where is my fresh cup of today's rain and sunshine?

what am i missing?

the eyes must blink, once, twice, thrice... and wonder if things in front of them will change. eyes must close for 3 long seconds before it opens again, hoping for a rainbow or some pillar of cloud to appear. the heart must yearn for things un-earthly. it must look for such things, lest if gets buried in boredom. i am waiting for something. say it will come. one, two, three...

i miss the freshness of newly broken walls of limitation and possibilities. i don't want boundaries around me. let me be totally free. even the country beyond that red line, i can make my own.

i want you fully. i want this completely. i want to have my share of mystery and thunderbolts and heaven's rumble. i don't want to stare right here. stare at this. or stare upward at nothing. i was not born to stare but to marvel.

i must see someone i have never seen. today is a new day. (it's 12:05 am.)

like bubbles

2009-11-06T07:41:00.000-08:00

then it happened. the song no longer smell of or breathe the same sentiments. favorite scents were nostalgia and desire. and yeah, nothing wrong with longing and hope. but this is better than the sweetness of expectancy. this is careless joy. unripe but ready for the picking. it will ripen in your hands. as you smile at yourself.

this is the same song. yet it has a different air.

the deep sigh has been turned into sudden smiles. like bubbles are floating over your head. like when smoke's been blown far far away by a minty breeze. inhale-exhale. the song is light and at ease. in fact, all songs are like this, right now. even emo ones, they seem to giggle with a carefree spirit. unashamed. unconcerned. un-anything. just happy.

it should make me cry, but now it makes me beam. i... can't explain why just so suddenly all melodies are the same. they are all smiling, despite sorrow, they smile. another world has given me colored lenses. yes. and it is one where music is changed by the hearer's heart.

Ako ay Pilipino Devotional Book Launch

2009-11-05T00:40:00.000-08:00

Watch out for the following tentative dates of Ako Ay Pilipino book launching:

Soft Launching:
November 14th Metro Manila Prophetic Conference
November 15th Christ the Risen Lord Anniversary, UP Diliman (10:00 am)
November 15th Christ the Living Stone Fellowship Anniversary (2:00 pm)

Major Launching:
November 18th National Prayer Gathering, Cebu
November 27th Tri-media and businessmen, Legend Villa, Manila
November 30th Jesus Revolution, Solemn Assembly, San Juan Arena, Manila

Never heard of Ako ay Pilipino? Check out the tentative website on multiply: http://akoaypilipino2010.multiply.com

Pre-orders are encouraged!

God-wrapped Sunday surprise

2009-11-01T02:46:00.000-08:00

please allow me to exercise gratefulness. that's what lolo ralph told me this morning during the ministering time in church...

first blast. worship. God really spoke: whether that word you are holding on to comes to pass or not, I AM STILL GOD. i am still holy. i am still worthy, the only one worthy of your worship. then it really dawned on me, i've been playing closer and closer to the borders crossing towards obsession. uh-oh. what does it really matter if "it" happens or not? well, it definitely WILL happen because God said so but since when did "things happening" become more important that God himself? oh, the heck with the future. i will pray. i will trust. i will obey. and yeah, i will expect! but more than anything, I WILL WORSHIP with undivided focus. i am not focused on the future but on my GOD.

2nd blow. oh yes, the preaching hit all the right buttons. hahaha. glory!

3rd tickle. i missed breakfast and breakfast happened to be my favorite meal of the day. sunday service is at 1030am and it ends right at lunchtime. before lunchtime came, all i could dream of was breakfast and not lunch. i want breakfast! i'd rather skip lunch to have breakfast! hahaha. then came a sweet surprise, my aunt offered to treat me and guess what she wants to eat? tapsilog and longsilog. viola! breakfast nga! *clap clap*

4th surprise. after lunch, we tagged along to greenhills. shopping...! i didn't really have much money but i know i have some left to spare for necessities like jeans. oh yes, i badly need a new pair... i have been hoping to go back to greenhills with someone i can shop with and well, what can i say, God provides, even shopping amigas!

5th treat. seal the day with a kiss. some of my friends have heard me long for it. food at amici's. and guess what? oh yeah, we're in greenhills, one of the few places where they have a branch... off to amicci's after shopping and we had the best time with the yummy pasta and.... dandadadan... ICE CREAM CAKE (see mango sansrival photo above). how many times do i have to say i love ice cream? :)

oh well, that's all for a God-wrapped sunday surprise! isn't He just good?

lesson for the day: ASK. i did.

food, yogurt, pasta, and prayer

2009-11-01T01:40:00.000-07:00

i love eating. i love ice cream and yogurt. i love food. and i'm a practical spender. in tagalog, "matipid ako." (i know it's not an accurate translation. haha)

well, can i just share four reasons why i was blessed last friday.

first. God moved mightily during the inter-church prayer meeting (4th friday in a row) i attended (at vcf ortigas) with my friend lyn. like one pastor said, he loves his church but he loves it more when he sees different churches come together like that. i love it too! and it's something worth missing lunch, missing sleep, and missing a whole lot of what you haves over there. haha... there was a sweep of humility, repentance, hope, and much faith and love for the nation. just awesome!

second. it's been a while since i had some bonding time w/ my friend. i remember the first time we went out and it was such a divine appointment as God moved in our hearts. well, this time, i was still blessed because:
~my updates to her were really updates! 1st time we had breakfast, i was telling her about my friends' dream about me and this time i told her how one of those dreams actually came to pass already! woah! how faithful is our God??!!
~she shared to me how she's been praying for her non-Christian officemate and how another friend of hers who is a Christian is praying for another officemate - God had given them burdens to pray for those people. well, her workplace also used to be my workplace! and i sowed prayers for that company! i really felt God saying, "see! i am doing something. i did see your tears and gathered your prayers to answer them at the right time riz!" how faithful and awesome is our God?!
~last, we ate a lot! and it was gorgeous eating with someone who also loves to eat and who also takes so much time to decide what meal to order. lolz. and she also likes ice cream, deserts and yogurt! and pareho kaming naghahanap palagi ng budget meal. i love it! i don't feel "matakaw" when i'm with this person. patas lang kami. hahaha!

Little Superhero Girl

2009-10-31T03:50:00.000-07:00

(found a song that says exactly how I feel. oh yeah, including the part about Singapore! lolz)

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole *wide* world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to *turn*
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore
And imagine how i'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
Sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

today (God's version)

2009-10-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

(errr... the first one titled 'today' was my constipated version. this one, God sang with me this morning. hehehe... it makes a lot of sense to me because i know what we're talking about but perhaps, it will make sense to you too. i hope! lolz.)

this is the day that i have made

open your eyes and see it

this is the day that i have made

open your heart and receive it

this is the day that i have made

open your arms and embrace it

this is the day that i have chosen

simplicity ends all the doubting

today, He comes

Heaven's Rescue

2009-10-25T17:25:00.000-07:00

Psalm 57:2-3

I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.

He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness.

I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me.

I have a purpose and a call. YES, we (God and I) both know that. But days come when every assignment purposed to stop that purpose come running after me. Those days, I learn to CRY. Oh yes, we must cry out TO the God who fulfills his purpose for us. Or we end up crying out to idols which cannot rescue us. Even idols of laziness and lack or worship! We cry out to him and say, "God, the God who FULFILLS YOUR PURPOSE FOR ME," rescue me so that your words may be established in my life.

He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness.

This part really blew my mind. I never thought of it this way... HE SENDS FROM HEAVEN. He sends from where? Where God? Heaven?

This was the picture I saw. Three wounded men were being attacked by an army of hundreds or even more - men with machine guns and fighter tanks. Who could survive from such an enemy?

They are hiding in the forrest among the bushes. Their enemy is closing in on them. They have tried to contact the nearby camp for reinforcement. They were waiting. It was a vast army that is pursuing them... The nearby camp does not have enough reinforcement to match this army.

Thus, it was the military's MAIN HEADQUARTERS that sent them help. They have the best fighter planes, the best trained men, the best choppers, the best men were put in charge of the rescue. This is HEAVEN's RESCUE. It is not a mediocre assault. It is God's military strategy from heaven.

They hear the fighter planes coming. At impulse they suddenly jerk their heads upward. (Where does my help come from?) They heard the chopper coming and machine guns cleared the ground from them to be able to come out and be rescued.

I heard the Holy Spirit saying, heaven's rescue, heaven's rescue, heaven's rescue! This is God rescuing us in his LOVE and FAITHFULNESS. Simply because we cried out. Why would God send his LOVE and FAITHFULNESS together with his rescue operation? It simply had to be cheesy right? Here we are, waiting for a the chopper and fighter planes to come, but God does not only send the fighters, he says, I'm sending you my a love song. In the midst of the WARFARE, we hear a LOVE SONG echo, being sung by our very own, Commander in Chief and Mighty Man of War, our Daddy God.

october 25

2009-10-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

i just have to get this out before i sleep. it's 1 am and my heart is still jumping up and down (while beng and weena are out doing cartwheels somewhere).

as i was walking on one of araneta center's sidewalks this morning, i tried to hold back smiles bubbling from inside me. i wanted to laugh at myself but i had to hold on to some decency. (mashadong maraming tao sa kalsada.)

after sunday service, i greeted mitch, some other friends like doc lissa... i started jumping up and down as if i won the lottery. i stopped myself. it didn't look good on me and my heeled sandals. minutes later, i was on the phone with ryzl and i was jumping again. what can i say, i couldn't help it.

just yesterday morning, i sensed fear building in my heart. but before the day had ended, fear had melted into rivers of joy. i realized that the very source of my fear should be the source of my joy. it was God answering prayers down to specific details.

someone had a prophetic dream about me some 2 years ago. and just a few months ago, someone had another dream which seemed to be the continuation of the first dream. it was a desired continuation because the 1st dream had ended rather unpleasantly. the second dream promised hope. it spoke of a moment when the unpleasant ending of the first dream changes and shifts. the shift opens the door to a promise that i have long received from God, and i have prayed and wrestled for for so long.

the 2nd dream had this simple detail i could not forget... that when it happened, i was 100% aware that someone had dreamed of this before... but i didn't understand what what happening until after God swept away my fears. then he started speaking...

don't you see? i am in control. didn't i give that dream with those exact details and didn't i allow that moment for you to see that the God who gave the dream is able to (literally) bring it to pass right here where tangible people walk, laugh and cry?

then i realized, if God had allowed that dream to come true (and i mean dream or panaginip and not pangarap...) then the other dreams will also come to pass. and those 'other' dreams are just darn good! i couldn't even begin to imagine how it will happen. but i know it will. not because i have big faith. my goodness, i don't. but it will happen because God was the one who had given it, and he's the one who has purposed in his love for me to transpose it where ears and hands actually hear and feel.

i was browsing through old poems a while ago and i realized that God has honored my declarations...

yes, God is real. and so are his every word and promise. :)

----------
Miracle

i know waiting will not last forever
i know faith is a word that eventually substantiates
for those who know how to ask and receive
i know time was not meant to delay or prolong suffering
i know longing is meant to be met by an embrace

i know tears are wiped away in the end
i know promises will be fulfilled if they were given in love
i know hearts soften when watered with mercy tears
i see rain clouds smelling the earth's hunger for water

miracles are not far but are only waiting for the cue of the great Director
a miracle is real even before it happens
and when my heart is filled with faith to the brim,
you will be greater than everything that i know.
when my hand begins to feel,
then i will laugh and cry.

but now, fill me with more of your truth
let me taste the showers of hope purified
faith watering my insufficiency
turning belief into answers
for the God i spoke with, i know, is real

today

2009-10-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

today is for those who have waited.

leave tomorrow for those on a journey.

do you see?

faith has laughed its way to miracles

doubters can learn to un-doubt

and shake off the dust of unbelief

eyes that see can turn into eyes that perceive

and hearts that had trusted

had trusted right

today, i can laugh at myself for the days i wept.

today, i weep again, not in sorrow but in joy.

today, the clouds almost kissed my valley

from where before i closed my eyes

they were but high up crowning mountain peaks.

today, tomorrow reached to me its hand

would not let go, would not let me run

i thought i had fought hard

but i have the sense that i am about to realize

that it was tomorrow which fought hard for me

it was grace that gipped and pulled me

to where i should be

we are here now

expectation

2009-10-23T04:32:00.000-07:00

so it happened that when God witnessed this FAITH unshaken, he knew that it was as pure as that of a child's. have you ever seen a child believe? have you ever watched a toddler wait for a promise? i would go to great lengths just to reward a child's faith. but there is no length or width for God. now do you wonder how quickly he would come if he saw you beaming at the sight of him, trying to figure out where he hid the "pasalubong"? he'd probably whip up something, even if there was none.

expectation "f-ruited" in trust is a dangerous thing.

sing for Me :)

2009-10-21T20:39:00.000-07:00

okay funny funny Daddy God... I sang to him this morning for like minutes and minutes and i was giving my all but i'm just not breaking through. then I realized He wanted to be the one to sing, so I let him. haha! oh i wish we could all hear Him sing over us! but i lost most of the song already. harhar. but i tried to get him to sing again and I was able to get parts of the message on here... in essence, this is what my God said. this goes for all of us:

are those the eyes

of my little girl

tightly shut

trying to find me in her mind

are those the lips

of my precious child

singing me love songs

are those her hands

strumming the guitar

are those melodies for me

are those melodies for her Daddy

wouldn't she know it

that i am watching

that i am tasting

every note of her voice

ever word from her lips

every tear that falls from her eyes

i'm catching

wouldn't she know it

that i am gazing

la la la la la la

sing for me baby

sing for me

sing for me sing

sing for me

sing for me sing for me sing for me

sing for me baby...

la la la la la la la la la

wouldn't you know it

i am feeling as you sway your head

i am taking in

every turn of your eyes

every shift in your voice

every swing of your hand

every note in that melody

wouldn't you know it...

and more more more. He said so much more! But i guess i'll just write it down when i remember....hihihi

great day!

new glasses, eye bags, and cramming

2009-10-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

i swear, i should have gotten my new pair of glasses months ago! so after torturing my eyes for a couple of months, finally had them made...!

oh... they're not as cute as my first pair, but they're more comfortable. the first pair is rimless, very fragile and thin, and has smaller lenses... keeps sliding down my nose... has lower grade on the left eye and accdg. to the optical shop, was already full of scratches, making it stressful for my eyes to use. uh-oh that's why... :(

now let's talk about eye bags. harhar. they're still there! and they're not getting cuter due to constant lack of sleep. they don't exactly match my glasses, yet i'm glad i can see better now (because of the glasses and not the eye bags).

and then cramming. this is an activity i have been trying to avoid. but it has relentlessly followed me like a lovesick lover. sometimes i'd be staring into the computer screen with eyes already painful from stress. (if only i could read with my eyes closed?) i know this is not exactly good regimen for my eye bags but work is work and it needs to be done! then again, i'm glad my eyeglasses are adjusted now. although a while ago, i was a bit concerned because the screen seemed blurry even though i had my glasses on... perhaps, it's because eye glasses aren't there to take away stress, they're just there to make your vision clearer.

now let's add a bonus paragraph. you can't see my brain in that picture - i'm glad. there comes hours in our lives when we don't know how to begin what we need to do and so we decide to take photos using using photo booth (if you're a mac user) hoping the flash will get your brain juices flowing... but i don't think it worked for me because after those shots, i fell asleep.

i guess that's all for now... good morning everyone. have a precious day. Jesus is crazy about you. :)

tomorrow

2009-10-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

i know you do not understand poetry and yet i keep writing poems addressed to you. it's funny how i keep doing the same thing over and over even though it does not make any sense. this is how i sigh and breathe and live. this is how i speak, how i form words, and how i express. you are facing the other way. our gazes do not meet. our words would not find each other. our paths refuse to cross. our minds are far off. even when our eyes meet, our lives are distant, too distant to remember anything worth holding on to.

but this is now. this is now and i know what tomorrow brings.

i know you are not far off. i know that distance is too finite to be given much contemplation. i know something from someone who knows everything, always.

if God had remained silent, i should long be gone. you would have lost me. but here i am again writing prose and poetry. and where there used to be tears, life is birthing smiles and laughter. i don't know how it happened but yes our lives are distant, too distant to even find solace in encounter... but here i am again, i am writing. believing that by some miracle you'd ever understand. on.

korean skater, one of the best bets for 2010 ladies' figure skating

2009-09-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

Admit it. This category has always been dominated by the US, Russia, China, and Japan. With the first two always being the most consistent in remaining competitive since decades back.

But this year, we hear of Korean Kim Yu Na as many's best bet. She has set records both in Korea and in international womens' figure skating. Kim is the first South Korean figure skater who medaled and won at a ISU Junior Grand Prix and at the Junior Grand Prix Final, at a ISU Grands Prix and at the Grand Prix Final, and at the World Championships. Kim is the record holder for ladies in the short program, [2] the free skating[3] and the combined total under the ISU Judging System. Kim is the first female skater to pass the 200-point mark and also the first female skater who received +2.00 grade of execution[4] for jumps under the ISU Judging System." (Wikipedia)

"Kim Yu-Na is the 2009 World Figure Skating Champion and the 2009 Four Continents champion. She may be the favorite. Others to watch include 2006 Olympic Silver Medalist, Sasha Cohen, (who has returned to competitive skating after a three year absence), 2008 World Figure Skating Champion Mao Asada, 2007 World Figure Skating Champion Miki Ando, and 2009 World Silver Medalist Joannie Rochette." (About.com)

IMAGINATION vs INSPIRATION

2009-09-13T17:46:00.001-07:00

"The simplicity that is in Christ." 2 Corinthians 11:3

Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly. A saint does not think clearly for a long while, but a saint ought to see clearly without any difficulty. You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will think yourself into cotton wool. If there is something upon which God has put His pressure, obey in that matter, bring your imagination into captivity to the obedience of Christ with regard to it and everything will become as clear as daylight. The reasoning capacity comes afterwards, but we never see along that line, we see like children; when we try to be wise we see nothing (Matthew 11:25).

The tiniest thing we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is quite sufficient to account for spiritual muddle, and all the thinking we like to spend on it will never make it clear. Spiritual muddle is only made plain by obedience. Immediately we obey, we discern. This is humiliating, because when we are muddled we know the reason is in the temper of our mind. When the natural power of vision is devoted to the Holy Spirit, it becomes the power of perceiving God's will and the whole life is kept in simplicity.

Oswald Chambers

Jabi

2009-09-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

some 20+ years ago, while i was still a toddler, i attended a birthday party where Jollibee was a special guest. i didn't know yet then that he was famous so my parents and sister had to force me to have my picture taken with the huge orange bee carrying me.

no way. who is that chubby bee anyway? stranger...

the memory is still quite crisp and clear. my sister (who was 2 years older than i) just had to find a way to convince me. "Jollibee can fly sister... He'll take you high up in the sky...Don't you want that? High high up!" These words freaked me out. Is that safe? I'm not sure about flying... and falling? Errr, how can we make sure my lungs and little frame are equipped for the stratosphere? No no no.

Thinking that they've convinced me, they handed me over to Jollibee. I burst into tears.

Traumatic eh? Precisely why I could still remember it till now. I was around 3 years old then.

But yesterday I saw HIM again! Mr. Jabi! Boy I was no longer scared. And just to prove that I've grown already into a young lady who recognizes that Jabi can't carry her into the stratosphere, I had this photo taken. Evidence that the old is gone and the new has come. ;)

roller coaster day

2009-09-12T06:21:00.000-07:00

i accidentally "advance-purchased" the wrong tickets - 8 of them - to a UAAP basketball game. i had to pay for them even though i couldn't use them... i've texted all the friends i could think of but... well... they don't want to buy the tickets. i've asked God to help out. but have not really listened well to what his suggestion is... so i did. haha. why didn't i think of that God?! so i posted an ad on our ateneo email group. hours later, people started to reply. weee!

well, let's just say i got a bit confused as to who to prioritize, the one who's buying more tickets or the one who first emailed. asking for God's wisdom and guidaaaance, yebah.. i finally ended up selling it to the most gracious bidder - the one who was quick to reply to my messages and at the same time was willing to get all the remaining tickets. she's heaven-sent.

so there i was grateful and so happy 'cause God made "pakitang gilas" to me again. how well he accomplishes our requests... when suddenly i end up stuck in marikina waiting for my parents to finish their errand. sigh.

see, i chose not to watch the game in araneta for 2 reasons: 1) financial - wanted to avoid expenses and since i intend to watch the cheering competition, i opted not to watch the game... 2) pressure from work - i have lots of deliverables pending and i'm so pressured to get them done so i'd rather work than watch basketball.

but there i was, waiting on the wind... sigh... yes God, i'm pissed, hurt, and irritated. what do i do?

see, God allowed it. he allowed me to get stuck there to ruin my plans and learn to do things his way. "Riza, what do you do if things don't turn out the way you want them to? Do you rebel or do you look for the silver lining on the otherwise gloomy dark clouds? Who will you choose to listen to, the voice of disappointment or the voice of wisdom?"

you see i was so pissed to the point that i didn't want to read my bible while waiting. but i didn't want to waste my time either, so i asked for the grace to do what's right. soon i was reading the bible, then praying.

and of course there were more delays because we had to pass by the grocery. when i got back home, i went back to my research thingie. i still could not finish it. somehow, i couldn't find the missing piece.

perhaps additional 3 or 4 hrs would have helped. but perhaps it wouldn't make any difference. but asking God does. so that's what i'm doing now. asking God how to finish this task.

i still don't know the answer.

and, i think, before it gets crazier, i'd rather sleep.

LOVE = DISCIPLINE

2009-09-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

i realize more each day how much of a brat i am. (nobody react please. i know my family has been praying for me to come to this realization for a long time now.) my morning conversation with God was just, uhm, i don't know how to call it... if you were watching a movie, and my thoughts were being played using a voice over, you'd probably react this way: BRAAAAT!

well, what can i say? God, in his immenseness and immensity and immense capacity to love, does love a brat like me. but not without a patient and tough heart that is ready to raise the rod of disciple whenever the 'circumstance' calls him to do so.

so there i was about to be frantically disappointed again at the thought of having another one of my requests denied. but God, in his grandness and lovable-Daddyness gently but firmly rebuked me saying, "No, you cannot have what you want. Not now, not the way you want it! And not because I don't love you. In fact, the reason is because I LOVE you. And this IS love Riza. My love for you right now means discipline. I see character coming out. I am bringing it out. Now learn. Be strong and learn that this is me loving you. I am not far."

I have strayed quite nonchalantly. And yes i tried denying my part in getting myself into a mess that could have been avoided had i clung to God, remained in him. And funny how i accuse him of leaving me when it was i who left him. Funny how i resist his embrace when it was i who wronged him in the first place.

But what can i say? here i am, not getting what i deserve. as always...

where can i run from your love?

retardation

2009-09-10T19:35:00.000-07:00

Holy Spirit, thank you for my computer chair. It feels good against my back.
Delayed thanks for the table and printer... this instant work corner i now have here at home.
Had it not been for the Holy Spirit's patience with me, these blinders would have not fallen off my eyes.
I know, i know, what does a computer chair have to do with blinders...

Well, weeks ago, i requested that our printer be transferred from my sister's house to my house. She does not really need it much because she already has a printer in her office. When the printer got here, my dad instantly fixed a corner in our house for me (without me asking), putting a computer table, setting up the printer, and at my request, my mom added a computer chair, something that we have lots of here at home. (They came from the office that we closed years back.)

Then tell you what... I realized how retarded i was. i have been complaining about backaches due to the absence of a desk and a chair. And my friend shina has been repeatedly telling me to get a chair. (Yup, i work either on the floor or on the sofa.) But i never really did something about it. i just assumed that there's not enough space in our small home. i used to look around and give up right after seeing that there's no available table and chair. apparently, there were, i just didn't notice or just did not look hard enough. and i realized that we could push for some space if we just chose to be intentional.

Then see the Holy Spirit made me realize how retarded i was. Something as simple as this, i could not do for myself. i had been asking God to help me but i never tried beyond just "looking around."

But yes yes, God should have spanked me but instead He made a way for me. I'm sorry God for being too slow and acting helpless when i should be exercising my faculties. a bit more patience... gentle rebukes... pls don't judge me guys for this. let's just learn. promise i'm trying to change.

night-time

2009-09-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

i wonder about what Rizal was thinking during the last days of his life. he already knew that his execution awaits only a couple more days. There was of course the sadness that came from leaving behind the people he loved, especially his wife. He must have wished he had children, then again, who will take care of them without him...? But despite the 'end' that awaits him, he must have, he must be... still thinking of our 'fatherland' and its fair hope that he knew lies in our youth. "fair hope of our fatherland," words of Rizal that we have so repetitiously used until it finally lost its meaning. Words that we have reduced to a slogan or fancy quotable quote.

i wonder about Rizal's faith in his countrymen. Did he approach his death with a firm hope that if not in the next decade, it was sure that men's eyes will one day be opened to the true worthiness and cost of attaining freedom? Did he fear that this unblinding of our eyes might take longer that it should? That many a generation will choose the status quo over the best of what life has to give, that many a generation will choose to look after only their own interest rather that their fatherland and countrymen's? What if the vicious cycle remains to be such and the nation never finds its way out of it? What if many a good men hesitate to pay the price that he chose to pay and thus fail to fulfill his part in waking up a generation of slumberers... sweetly cradled in a lullaby of deception?

We are all pointing towards where Rizal had run towards throughout the course of his life. We have flipped through pages and pages of his propaganda and heart-sown pieces. We understand and see but are we STEPPING into the destiny that all heroes have literally fought for unto death?

I am uneasy. I am anxious. I am angry. I am restless. I am burning inside as i ponder about how we have reduced Rizal's writings into historical pieces that tell us about a past so relevant yet not relevant enough to influence our present actions. we have repeatedly and conveniently left the lessons inside our classrooms and discussion rooms. we say we understand Rizal. but our understanding never jumps from the realms of lip service into a realm that actually cuts through the very flesh and bones that we feed with pizza, chicken, burger and fries.

who are you Filipino? have you discovered yourself in studying your past? have you repented for your failures and blindness and are you walking now against the grain? it is not enough to walk peacefully just because the weather around you is calm. blindness is a tricky thing. and freedom is not something you gain by how loud you shout, how long you stay on the streets, or how much risk you take in defying rules and regulations.

freedom is that moment when you cease thinking about yourself and how right you are. it is that moment when the things that we consider right and just finally cuts through our apathy and comfort, then reforms us. the offspring of change can only be birthed by change. it is humble hunger for righteousness that changes complainers into doers. only when we ourselves bear the cost of self reformation, only then can we change a nation.

"I do not write for this generation. I am writing for other ages. If this could read me, they would burn my books, the work of my whole life. On the other hand, the generation which interprets these writings will be an educated generation; they will understand me and say: 'Not all were asleep in the night-time of our grandparents'."
---The Philosopher 'Tasio, in Noli Me Tangere

Are our eyes really open? If yes, then why is it that we still hear many crying out for freedom?

My Lover

2009-08-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

*Purge me of MY shallow words, MY pledges of foolishness, passion unsubstantiated, flaky promises, and all forms of cowardice that make me run away rather than endure fire when it begins to rage.

but your bride said that you are
the most handsome of ALL men
and you have pursued me even before
there was any beauty in me
and you say to me,
"don't try to understand my love,
it is too much for you"

I must (get to) know you
If I don't, I might shut my door on you
Your appearance has been romanticized
but the prophet said
there was nothing beautiful about it
the men that came to you
were not lured by your complexion
who are you?

who are you?
the one who never ceased to wait
the one who never ceased to watch me
the one who never ceased...

the words of my youth
you cherished as much
as the words of my womanhood
who am i to know you?
yet you are running
after me

who are you when i am not looking?
and most of the time, i am not
who are you when i am attentive?
you pour out as much as i can hold

who are you? the man i do not know
the man who knows me well
the man i've never seen
the man, whose face i hope i'd recognize

i will run.

--------------------
Isaiah 53:2b
Psalm 130
Song of Songs

thank and you will receive

2009-08-09T03:22:00.000-07:00

My instinct has always been to pray. I badly wanted our team (Ateneo Blue Eagles) to win. Watching the game from upper box seats in Araneta Coliseum made the desire even more intense. But what are the chances that God would grant me my request? Certainly, there are also La Sallians praying for the Green Archers to win. What makes my request more weighty than theirs? So I found myself asking God what it would take to get his favor just for today.

First quarter of the game, I was nervous. There certainly is no guarantee that God is on our side. The heck, it's a basketball game! Why would God take sides right? But I was praying for our players that they would find the grace and strength and perseverance to go all out - to give their best. I just prayed for the best. I couldn't pray for us to win. At most I can pray for a winning performance. But in my heart I kept on telling God, "if there's anything I can do, just let me know!"

But when we reached the second half, God started speaking. He said, "Thank me. Why are you so nervous and doubtful? If you have faith, you will start thanking me." Then came a surge of faith. I realized that my fear is doing me no good! I have to start thanking God for the best that is to come. From pleading with God I started thanking and my it feels right! Thank you God for the victory... It was then that I realized that God was teaching me how to war again. In the face of intimidation, it is not helpful to beg! Begging puts you in a position of defeat!! If you are to win, you have to see yourself winning and when you do, the only response will be to start thanking God. I began to thank God. The more I did, the more I my mind found the grace to see victory and vise versa.

By the end of the 4th quarter, I already feel God's joy - kahit na nagtie!!!

For those of you who watched the game tonight, you know that Ateneo Blue Eagles won. (ONE BIG FIGHT!!!) But it was not our team's "victory" that convinces me that my prayers worked. I mean, whether my thanksgiving brought the team to win today's match or not, I believe they were nonetheless, the right prayers - prayers that see God as worthy of thanksgiving and prayers that somehow ministered blessing.

About an hour after the game has ended, I found myself thinking (and thinking...) of the game and how Blue Eagle team player Eric Salamat played a big role in the team's victory. "Go Salamat!" I thought... "What a name," I said to myself. Then right after that thought I suddenly realized, "Hey! Salamat means Thanks!" Right then and there I knew God was sealing in his message for me for the day: Give thanks. It's your weapon for war. Thanksgiving will bring you into victory. =)

Thanks tita tes for the early tickets... Til championships!

ONE BIG FIGHT!

lost on a saturday

2009-08-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

the caffeine has subsided... at least 90% of its effect has... i'm still feelin' a bit off. was not able to spend some time in quiet today. same old problem. "where do i do it" well, i could just throw my face into the pillow and plug in my earplugs. why i did not do that, i don't know.

my greatest accomplishment for the day so far is eating breakfast. because of this, i'm not having a headache right now. i'm still a bit sluggish though. has to be the late nights (or 'til mornings) i've been spending awake. but i've stopped doing that intentionally since last night. if not for the caffeine, i would have been gone by 11pm.

i'm working on a saturday. scurrying off to the rink. haven't had lunch and it's almost 2pm. i think i should marry a chef. but before that i have to fix my life and vow to never miss my quiet time despite the noise --- EVERYWHERE.

Perfectly Imperfect

2009-08-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

To my covenant sisters Meech and April. thanks you for sticking with me through hard times. (charing. ang drama.) I'm trying my best to get back on track.

Also, to all my sisters who've held me up when I could hardly stand.

Perfectly Imperfect

You are perfect
just the way you are
We fail every now and then
But we never give up
We're stricken clueless often
But we won't stop asking questions, will we?
(Learning takes a lifetime)
We are embarrassed when our selfishness is exposed
it happens...
But we learn to say sorry

Watching you love breaks my fears
Your brokenness in trying, heals me
We are imperfect people
striving to love
perfectly
It is far from our grasp
but we never stop climbing
enduring

Change for the best
But not to be loved
You already are

You are perfectly imperfect
the way you are
I feel like I am failing, falling
But on me, you have not given up
I am stricken clueless
I feel embarrassed and exposed
It happens...
I am learning to accept
the fact that you've chosen to stay with me
Glued together through imperfect times
We've promised to be alright

I wanna cringe
as I watch you love... my imperfections
It's funny how
we look beautiful when we are weak
It's funny how
imperfect love does make us strong

---

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Cor. 12:9

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. - 1 Pet. 4:8

voiceless

2009-07-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

if you knew me
you know i find it hard to speak
i uttered syllables that pleaded rescue
but you were too occupied
to even hear

i set my cries aside
to find it taking its toll
the walls i built suddenly caved in
i needed you
but now i cannot run to you

i've set my cries aside
because you cannot hear
i needed you
but now how can i run to you?
the words that you shut off
have locked me in
alone

Ako ay Pilipino Movement (AAP) - What it's about

2009-07-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

BACKGROUND

For many years the Lord has been preparing the Philippines for a great harvest that will pave the way for the fulfillment of the Great Commission in Asia and the world. The calling for the Philippines to be a “tiger economy”, “fruit basket of Asia” and a “missionary-sending nation” are waiting to be fulfilled. However, year after year the Philippines have been struggling from corrupt government, natural calamities and economic crisis. The results have been devastating.

God is doing something among the nations, like what He said to Habakkuk when he was complaining about the sickening situations in Judah. God told Habakkuk (1:5), “Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” He is truly moving among the nations. He wants the Philippines to come back to Him and fulfill her calling. The calling is great, that is why the struggle is so evident. The enemy is effectively working among the government to thwart this plan. Corruption and lawlessness are so systemic that drag our country to suffering. Poverty is so rampant that the brightest young professionals and the geniuses’ are going out of the country in search for a better life. Many parents go outside the country for a better life for their children. Many families are broken. The fatherless are increasing in numbers. The gap between rich and poor is widening. The people are losing heart. Only those who believe in the promises of God loves our nation, the rest, are ashamed to be a Filipino.

It is the same as it was in the days of Habakkuk. His complaints to God are understandable. They are valid. The Lord heard them. And then He answered. Habakkuk responded by being the watchman for Judah. From the tower he could see the wickedness all around, and knew God was going to speak. Yes, the Babylonians were set to destroy Judah, similar to how the enemy is set to destroy the Philippines. But Habakkuk waited. He heard the Lord say:

Habakkuk 2 (NKJV)
1 I will stand my watch
And set myself on the rampart,
And watch to see what He will say to me,
And what I will answer when I am corrected.
2 Then the LORD answered me and said:
“ Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.

The Lord has set Intercessors For the Philippines and the rest of the Body of Christ participating in the two-year National Prayer and Fasting as the nation’s watchmen. The Lord has already given the vision and revelation for the Philippines. The destination and God’s plan is already set. Now we are waiting for its fulfillment. But like in the days of Judah, the Lord wanted Habakkuk to write down what he hears from the Lord. This means, the vision or revelation had to be made public. It had to be made known to Judah. It had to be read. The reason? As the people read the vision from the Lord, their hearts would be uplifted and encouraged. Instead of looking at the wicked happening all around them, they would see what the Lord had prepared for them. And uplifted, they would run with the vision, united in one heart and mind to fulfill all that God had spoken.

The same is true at present. The Philippines is waiting for the Body of Christ to be united. The vision is already revealed to them. But they all need to run with it. It has to be made known to everyone that despite the present turmoil, God has already made up His mind to change the Philippines. This vision and revelation should be made available not only to the believers, but to everyone.

How are we going to make this happen? As the leadership of the Body of Christ is working on the practical and spiritual terms, we should make use of all forms of media to make the vision public: written materials, books, Internet, TV & radio. The content should be from the time Philippines were discovered as a nation almost 490 years ago, from her birth until now, focusing on her purpose and destiny that was revealed throughout history. It will also trace back who we are as Filipinos during the pre-colonial era. This is in support to God’s prophetic word over the Philippines in accordance to Daniel 9:24, the fulfillment of all the prophecies that will be given in the 490th year of when Philippines was recognized as a nation.

After hearing from the Lord this direction, we therefore wanted to put it into action. We would like to come up with a material, which we will call: “Ako ay Pilipino”. This material will help establish in the hearts of the Filipinos who we are, why we are in this nation, and why we have been born in such a time as this. Once we understand our identity as a Filipino and as a nation, it will be easy for us to fulfill our destiny. Patriotism & passionate prayers will arise as each one realizes how especial Filipinos are in the eyes of the Lord and the world. The uplifting of the hearts will create the desire for change for righteousness in and out. It will be a material that will address not only born again Christians, but to all Bible believing people from different religion that believes in the Bible like the Catholics, Protestant, etc.

We are in the gateway of the fulfillment of the prophesies over our beloved nation. This will pave the way for the completion of the Great Commission throughout Asia and the world. It is a time for change. A time to unite. A time to set aside church background and denomination as a hindrance. People need to hear what the Lord has prepared for the Philippines. Only righteousness will exalt this nation. There is no way that wicked governance and disunited Body of Christ will do this. Let us boldly make known the vision and the revelation of the Lord for our beloved nation that all Filipinos, not just the Christians, in and outside the Philippines may run with it.

BASIS/FOUNDATION:

1.This is a step of faith in seizing our nation’s prophetic destiny. The prophetic direction and the vision God has given the watchmen of the Philippines through Bishop Dan Balais, IFP, Cindy Jacobs & other prophets & participating churches in Two-year National Prayer and Fasting. (Dan. 9:20-24) The 490 years of the Philippines is in 2010, the year of the fulfillment & jubilee.
2. We have to write down the given vision (make it public) for the Philippines, so the one who reads it may run with it (may join with it and take action) (Habakkuk 2: 1-4). This is a response to the call of God to make the vision public not only to the Body of Christ but also to all Filipinos.
3. Throughout history, the Lord has already been moving to change this nation, but the people are not seeing them. We need a way to let them see the move of God in this nation.
4. The hearts of the Filipinos have been so low because of the poverty, political turmoil, economic crisis and corruption. They are discouraged and frustrated. Making the Filipino’s self-esteem very low. It is about time to let them see who they are as Filipinos and their destiny in God’s eyes.
5. There are still part of the Body of Christ that are not convinced of God’s redemptive plans for the Philippines and its role in changing this nation. This is an opportune time to open their eyes to the reality of God and set aside denominations and personal interest, and be united.
6. There are millions of Filipinos who are living outside the country to make a living. Some of them have forsaken their motherland, others have hatred and ashamed to be Filipinos. It is about time to uplift the cause of the Philippines, know how God loves this nation. However, there are also Filipinos outside the country who are just waiting for a movement and a chance that they can support to change this nation.
7. Slowly, there is already a big mass of Filipinos who are becoming more patriotic. They just need some foundation and direction for their patriotism.
8. The Filipinos are ready for a change. There is a silent cry in the schools, offices, families, everywhere that should be given an avenue to pave the way for a change.

PURPOSE:

1. To write down and share the vision. This is to make the prophetic word of the Lord for the Philippines, public. It is our goal to share the vision God has given to the Body of Christ and to the Filipinos. As they are informed, through God’s work throughout the histories past & present, the Filipinos will understand their destiny as a person and as a nation.
2. To rally and challenge the people to chose righteousness, to pray and take action. This is the only way that God can exalt this nation.
3. To prepare the Filipinos for the coming election that is going to open the gate for the Philippines’ 490th year, which will usher in the new season of God for the Philippines.
4. To stir up the sprit of patriotism in the hearts of the Filipinos in and outside the country. To instill in the hearts of the Filipinos that one of our purposes in life is to love our nation.
5. To make the Filipinos realize and take action on their destiny as a nation and role in fulfilling the Great Commission in Asia and the world.

MATERIALS TO BE USED:

All forms of media if possible:
• Book (it will start from the book as the basis of all the materials that will be used)
• Website
• TV programs & Radio stations
• Billboards
• Newspapers/magazines
• Shirts, stickers, dog tags, etc.

BIBLICAL FOUNDATION:

Daniel 9:20-24 (New International Version)

The Seventy "Sevens" (490 years)
While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel and making my request to the LORD my God for his holy hill- while I was still in prayer, Gabriel, the man I had seen in the earlier vision, came to me in swift flight about the time of the evening sacrifice. He instructed me and said to me, "Daniel, I have now come to give you insight and understanding. As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given, which I have come to tell you, for you are highly esteemed. Therefore, consider the message and understand the vision:

"Seventy 'sevens' are decreed for your people and your holy city to finish transgression, to put an end to sin, to atone for wickedness, to bring in everlasting righteousness, to seal up vision and prophecy and to anoint the most holy.

Habakkuk 2 (NLT)

I will climb up to my watchtower
and stand at my guardpost.
There I will wait to see what the Lord says
and how he[a] will answer my complaint.
The Lord’s Second Reply
Then the Lord said to me,
“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
(NASB) ["Record the vision, and inscribe it on tablets,
That the one who reads it may run.]
(NKJV) [“ Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it.]
This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.

PROPHECY: (one of the many prophecies)
NATIONAL FAST FOR THE COMING ELECTIONS
Prophecy by Cindy Jacobs

You know, the Lord shows me, over the Philippines there is a PRINCIPALITY OF CORRUPTION, and this corruption has been so systemic, and so deep, and this principality thinks it controls the Philippines. But the Lord is showing me that there will be a NATIONAL FAST, praying -- everyone, the north, the south, the east and the west, the whole church, not part of the church, STANDING UP and FASTING and PRAYING. There should not be a day that there isn't fasting going on for the Philippines.

And I am calling you, wherever you are, whoever is hearing my voice, whatever pastor is hearing my voice, whatever youth movement, the Lord is saying, 'LOVE YOUR NATION.' This is a strategic nation. Fast for the elections coming up, cry out to God, that in the next election God is gonna move in a massive way, the spirit of corruption will be broken.

Listen, the last time I was in the Philippines, I prophesied that the fear of the Lord was going to come to the Philippines, and those who tried to participate in corruption I feared for their lives. After that, two of them died. God isn't just saying these things. He means them. You get your life right, and you have the fear of the Lord in your life. If you tried to corrupt, corrupt God's nation, it's gonna be Acts 5 days of Ananias and Sapphira.

GOD IS GETTING READY TO MOVE AND MARCH THROUGHOUT THE LAND

God is getting ready to move and march throughout the land. He's gonna pull down one and He's gonna set up the other. No longer will His words be delayed over the Philippines. If you stand and pray and you believe, God, the Lion of Judah, is going to arise and shake His mane over the nation, and He's going to roar out of Zion, and the darkness will be dispelled, says the Lord. Wow!

Prepared by:
Lorna Joannes
July 20, 2009

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT (By Thomas Dylan)

2009-07-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

a thought about Daddy God

2009-07-26T18:12:00.000-07:00

Jon Schmidt during an interview about his musical arrangement, "Love story meets viva la vida" said: That's Sarah's favorite part... when i got to that part when I was arranging, I tried to extend that moment a little bit...

I could just imagine God saying, well i know that that will be riza's favorite part so i'm gonna extending it a bit so i can watch that smile get stuck on her face. *hearty DADDY GOD laughter*

yey! thanks DADDY!

God will save the day: reflections from under the broom tree

2009-07-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

i remember Elijah sleeping under the broom tree, waking up to see beside him some bread baked from hot stones, beside it a jar of water. i imagined he was so weak and helpless that God had to send an angel to wake him up. i imagined God's concern over Elijah as he sent that angel - someone to tap him and bake some bread for him. i see the hot stones lying there like some miraculous oven of serendipity. (even ovens are not impossible to find in the wilderness God's eyes are on you. and they are!) i imagine God's eyes on Elijah. i see the angel as God's special "alalay" to take care of this exhausted son.

i know that God understands it when all my strength has run out, when all i can do is faint under a broom tree. that was what happened to Elijah right? he must not have looked at his watch before sleeping saying, "oh it's 10pm. it's past my bed time. i'm off to dreamland now..." he probably didn't even know what time it was. he just fell there all strength gone.

i know that God stoops over when our tiredness keeps us stuck in bed. he understands us when the alarm clock could not do a better job at waking us up. and so he sends us an angel.

i know that God has foreseen the journey he has ordained for us to take. he sees the futrue. he also knows it when there is nothing left in our pockets. he knows it when the nearest convenience store is too far for convenience especially for a body sapped out of energy. he has foreseen the moment when lifting a finger would become too tedious for a soul almost crushed by failure or disillusion.

and he has prepared a journey into the cave of intimacy. yes he has calculated the steps we need to take and the amount of food we need to get there. he has gathered up the provision to take us there: some hot stones, an angel, baked bread and a jar of water. and he stoops down to provide all these. provisions that are a little less than ordinary.

he knows it when we have nothing left. when we have given everything we've got and when our falling into sleep is not an act of disobedience but a cry to be rescued.

he will strengthen us with just enough for another journey that will take us into the cave of intimacy. where we can wait for our strength to be renewed for he is about to reveal that he has preserved 7,000 who are actually on our side of the battle. that warrior sons shall be anointed and they shall crush jezebel. victory is at hand. from the cave of intimacy, we will renew our sonship by anointing our sons. and we will realize that everything has been provided for all along. even if it takes miracles to get them. like the angel, the baked bread and jar of water under the broom tree, we cannot really finish the journey without miracles. and miracles do not really happen without a need for them.

from under the broom tree, i am learning to depend completely. and i am learning to admit that even intimacy is completely an act of God. i am wooed into it with a strength not mine. i am taken into it with a love that is not mine. i am Elijah under the broom tree. i am a bruised reed that he does not break. but i am rescued in his grace and mercy. between doubts and tears. between silence and songs. between clear words and confusion. between anger and forgiveness, humility and sin, obedience and hesitation, and all that remains to be cleansed...

amidst all... God steps in and pours out all it takes. even ovens made of hot stones.

(2 Kings 19:5)

friday

2009-07-26T04:59:00.000-07:00

it's always nice when i get to be alone in a room while playing some powerful fun worship music. reminds me of how good it feels to dance like crazy.

friday morning, i remember asking God for greater things that day. encouragement... anything happy and more than the usual. sometimes i forget to ask like Jabez. that day, thank God i remembered.

God never fails. after God-time, i got ready to start off with my morning errand. it got postponed. i ended up coming early for work at the ice rink. wow. the rink was close to being empty. well... if you ain't got students and there ain't much going on the ice, might as well enjoy the exclusive space... i haven't tried jumping axels for like 7 years now... well, why not try now? suddenly, i just had the courage to jump (this rarely happens nowadays since i'm not exactly in good shape now). but God was up to something. for some reason i had the desire and excitement and faith to do it. must be the movie i watched last wednesday - facing the giants. hahaha. so a bit of warm up, preparation jumps and off i jumped the axel. tada...! i almost landed it. waaaaah. am i dreaming??? i was definitely nervous and a bit shaky. but i was fighting the tension off. i knew God was giving me faith for this. hahaha. i tried it again. i landed it. did i just... land... it...? i landed 3 or 4 more jumps. i also fell a couple of times. but God it feels good to jump again. and yes it even feels good to fall again. my first surprise for the day.

after that i got a bit dizzy. so i rested. then came the students... 4 assists in a row! not a single idle minute! my 2nd surprise for that day.

i was told that we'd be interviewed too for our application in MOA ice rink...since the megamall rink is closing on aug.31, most of us applied in MOA (another surprise yes bec. i only found out about the interview that day when i got to the rink.) well... the interview went really well. i was surprised because i didn't know that my boss thought highly of me. i learned that because he spoke well of me to my other interviewer during our interview. my other interviewer (there were 2 of them) was also very pleased. kulang nalang i-hire na niya ako. i swear i wanted to jump and clap my hands as i walked out of the office. but i didn't want to look crazy and too overjoyed. nakakahiya... toinx. it was the favor that i've been asking God for consistently. i've asked and asked and declared and declared. i realized it has always been there. it just took an interview in order for God to show me. 3rd surprise for the day.

it was almost 5pm and by that time i was starving. i didn't have lunch so i grabbed some food and went straight to my lifenet meeting with the teens. ages 12-14. di pa pala teen ung iba... i honestly think we had fun. they had a lot of questions. and they seemed very interested... wow. i wasn't expecting it because i was warned that some of them might be pasaway. hahaha... well, we'll see as time goes by. lol. in the mean time, surprise no. 4.

as i was commuting back to where i was staying that night... i felt a bit bored having to go home early. i haven't had dinner yet (although i had late lunch... pero goto lang po kc yon) so i kinda prayed to God where the heck am i going to have dinner and i wished i could hang out a bit. then came ryzl texting me if i wanna join their victory@25 celebration. i was walking inside gateway mall that time... on my way to the mrt station... i asked where it was. lo and behold, it was just a couple of strides away down at araneta coliseum. i said i'll be there in a jiffy. we had late dinner afterwards. answered prayer again. surprise no. 5.

and it all started with asking God that morning. and dancing like crazy. it works quite well in stirring up faith. i mean, dancing works well for me. i don't know maybe you should try it too. one lazy morning, try dancing for God. and asking for miracles... even small ones. or big ones. whichever you think suits your day. :) Jesus always makes a way!

Ako ay Pilipino Movement - Call for Volunteers

2009-07-21T20:46:00.000-07:00

hey hey guys! i'm recruiting volunteer Christian researchers, writers, editors (and what you have's) to run with the vision of publishing a book about the IDENTITY of the FILIPINO and the PROPHETIC DESTINY of the PHILIPPINES - before the 2010 elections. Comment here or send me a PM if you want to volunteer. Students are very much welcome to join. :) Contacts and recommendations will be much appreciated. ;)

if you're hesitant but you'd like to know more about the project (/vision God gave my friend), send me your email address and i'll let you in a bit.. thaaanks!

we've targeted november 2009 as launch date so we need as many eyes and brains as possible!

btw, this will be just one part of the "Ako ay Pilipino Movement.." we've envisioned to have a full blown campaign, the book being the launching pad and more tangible manifestation of the movement.

thanks thanks! hope to hear from you. *wink*

riz

To know more about Ako ay Pilipino, click here for vision/project description.

mundane?

2009-07-20T13:23:00.000-07:00

i've been busy with a lot of things lately and i don't know why is it that just when there's so much to write about, i can't seem to write. thoughts would also come whenever i don't have my laptop or a pen and paper with me. and yes, thoughts disappear the moment i open my notepad or blog.

i am tired but excited. sometimes i feel like my head is going to explode. add commentaries that hardly soothe the tension. please give me some room to breathe...

i've stepped into a raging river and when i thought that i was expected to swim, i realize i am expected to just be swept away. but there are the usual things of day to day. it drives me crazy to think that things could still be so ordinarily demanding even after i've stepped into the extraordinary. i wake up, fix my pillows, see my messy clutter that i've left unkempt the night before. my mind flies to bigger things as i manage to attend to small chores of day to day. day to day... it is a challenge to stay focused until i've washed and hung my last piece of laundry. we cannot shrink back from the bigger things, even if we've got big small things at hand - chores, work, finances, etc. it's the bigger things that make us relevant. it's the small things that make us steadfast.

as i pursue to balance life as God made it. haha. i hope i will not let go of the big thing. life can get smaller everyday if we let it. but today, this year - 2009, it simply is not the year for shrinkers to stay small.

P.S.
after 40 days of being silent in facebook... i finally broke my fast yesterday. and surprise, i lost all the notifications. hahaha! oh well, who cares... hahaha...

Ako ay Pilipino

2009-07-17T23:41:00.000-07:00

"for such a time as this." we've heard this phrase so many times. but what do the words "time as this" really refer to? this year? last year? the span of time from seven years back 'til present? the span of now til whenever we still feel like it is? the phrase seems as though it has always been characterized by relativity and vagueness. maybe some think that it is a span of 10 years or even 40...

i am convinced however that today more than ever, we have finally touched the ground where time has become more specific than uncertain. for the first time in nine years, it is clear to me that i stand face to face with a timer about to lapse less in about a year. i dare say, that kairos and kronos are about to meet.

in 2007, cindy jacobs prophesied that the next 2 years in our nation will determine whether we would go into greatness or another era of struggle with bondage. i used the word era because the next opportune time might take years or even decades (490 years perhaps). that word was released if you will notice, 2 years before the coming national elections. it was as though God is saying, the coming national elections is more crucial than any other elections you've had.

months back, God gave me a word: Daniel 9. it speaks of the end of israel's 490 years of captivity and how Daniel's recognition of the kairos time (and praying it into fulfillment) ushered israel into it's time of release from bondage. as i pondered on the word, i wondered if our nation is anywhere near 490 years of anything... then God confirmed the word through another fellow intercessor. we prayed Daniel 9. little did i know that we are indeed about to enter (in 2011) our 490th year since the time our archipelago was discovered (1521)... i learned this as bishop dan balais preached about Proclamation Daniel 9:24. that was way after God gave our prayer group the word to take Daniel 9. God confirmed the word. The sense of urgency intensifies with each day that passes by. (i mean this literally and not figuratively.) I have never experienced such a sense in my spirit of a great responsibility and accountability. As though the hinge of history is about to swing our nation's future and our prayers and obedience maneuvers the swing... and when i say obedience, i mean obedience to God's unction to wrestle for our nation. To be an obedient student, child, employee, or church member is one thing. But to be a lover of our country and a protagonist in seizing it's destiny based on the SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS AND PROMISES GOD HAS GIVEN US is another thing.

We have been calling for people to run with a vision for transforming and reforming the nation for like seven years now... and we had often said that we are willing to run "until" this race is won... until righteousness reigns in our nation. But today, there is NOT JUST a need for people who will believe but a need for individuals and groups that will ACT based on a clear recognition of our TIME and SEASON. and this is the time we are in... we are in the last stretch of the battle. if we faint now, the timer will lapse while we are slumbering. yes, even if we are zealously working for God, we can miss God's crucial work in our country.

Late last year, God gave me a dream about the seat of the land being at stake. And there were invaders about to seize the throne from the citizens of the land. the dream ends with the people inside a church one by one being asked to profess then he is Cuban. i realized that my turn is about to come and as i anticipated that moment, i realized that i must say "i am filipino" with whatever courage i had at that time. it was my moment to do choose between doing something that i will be proud of or something that will sell my inheritance to the enemy of my soul.

As the election date draws near, the same battle that we have been facing for so many years until now still remain. it is a battle for our identity and pride as filipinos. for decades, many of us have chosen to have a peacetime mentality. we have shrunk back and surrendered our pride and identity to the dogs. who are we really? do we know our identity and are we proud? let us admit, most of us are no different from the typical kababayan who slanders his own race every now and then as if he is not pointing to himself everytime he speaks ill towards the "Filipino."

My real question is, is this the mentality that we are going to bring as we make our way to the polling stations? And yes, not even everyone wants to vote! Why? Because many have GIVEN UP! And even if we have decided to vote on that day, what will be the greatest influence over our vote? Is it hope? Or is it pessimism? Is it righteousness? Or is it compromise?

We have been dreaming and hoping for a RULER to take that seat of authority over our nation and restore to us our INTEGRITY and PRIDE as Filipinos. We say that we are a democracy and that we have the power to choose who will rule over us. And yet time and time again, we end up with people who disappoint if not, embarrass us... Could it be, that the reason for our OUTWARD shame in the government is RoOTED in our inwARd shame towards our very own selves. Do we really love our nation? Many of us say we do. But how OBVIOUS has it been in our lives?

"Ako ay Filipino." Can you imagine yourself declaring these words with dignity and pride even if you are in another nation? If not, then just like me, you have something to ponder about... Be it that we would deal with it before the next election draws to a close. OUR future depends ON YOUR convictions. and your convictions are nothing without real actions.

What is God's mandate over your life this day? What is he asking you to do for your nation. I plead with you, do it NOW. There is no time to lose.

i still believe

2009-07-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Somehow I know I will find a way
To a brighter day in the sun
Somewhere that I know he waits for me
Someday soon he'll see I'm the one

I won't give up on this feeling
And nothing could keep me away
CHORUS
Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
Cause I still believe, believe in love

I know what's real can not be denied
Although it may hide for a while
With just one touch, love can calm your fears
Turning all your tears into smiles

It's such a wonderous feeling
I know that my heart can't be wrong

CHORUS

Love can make miracles, change everything
Lift you from the darkness and make your heart sing
Love is a river when you fall
It's the greatest power of all

CHORUS

(read) my silence

2009-07-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

heart thumps
but no one hears
now i stand struggling
between tact and spontaneity
candid truthfulness and careful discretion
secrecy and expression
love unspoken and love revealed

now written words are silent
a sweet escape from confrontation
a compromise for revelations i cannot shout
and like my heart's thumping -
they are loud yet unheard
love un-spoken, love (almost) revealed

It's Time to Turn Back!

2009-07-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, 17 June 2009 08:56 Cindy deVille Newsletters - Prophetic Insight

Editor's Note:The message below was first published on June 17, 2009, as Today's Prophetic Perspective, an e-newsletter of Shekinah Today Ministries (shekinahtoday.org). The word from the Lord that follows the author's introduction was given to Cindy deVille on May 25, 2009.

[Cindy deVille] I can hear God say, "This is the time!"

It's time to get back in the fight! When we survey biblical history, we see that it was always the victors who took the spoils of war. And those who were defeated either lost their lives or became slaves to their enemies, losing everything.

As God's people, we must never surrender to the forces of darkness and never give in! We must never give up the fight—in our nation, our cities, our churches or our personal lives. To give up or to surrender is to declare our enemy the victor and the conqueror. As God's people, we must surrender only to our God and King.

It's time for all those in the body of Christ who have given up the fight to turn back and get back in. We must not faint in the day of adversity! We must stand up and fight the good fight of faith and lay hold of eternal salvation (see 1 Tim. 6:12), not only for ourselves but also for all those who need to hear the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ—for all who will be saved.

This is not a time for any of us to give up or to draw back; it is a time to move forward and attack. Our greatest days are ahead. These days will require our greatest faith, but they will also hold our greatest victories if we refrain from drawing back and with a violent faith, draw our swords and move forward in the name and the power of the Lord (see Eph. 6:10-18).

As I prayed for the body of Christ, I kept seeing in my spirit a stack of military weapons that had been thrown into a pile. There were hundreds and perhaps thousands of them that soldiers had thrown down. It seemed as if they had been recently thrown down in surrender, and there was still smoke ascending from them. It appeared the soldiers had given up and were walking away from the fight.

I kept seeing this picture so clearly in my spirit, and I asked God what it meant. What was He trying to show me? Then He gave me the following word and showed me that this vision represented many in the body of Christ [who had laid down their spiritual weapons]:

"Many have surrendered. Many have given up the fight. Many have thrown down their weapons. Many have quit doing what's right. Many have quit being salt and quit being light. Many have turned and run from the fight. Many have surrendered. Many have backed down. Many have thrown their weapons and armor on the ground.

"Tell them to turn around. Tell them to go back. Tell them to pick up their weapons again. Tell them I am the God of victory and I know how to win. Tell them to pick up their weapons again. Tell them to never give in. Tell them to never give up the fight. Tell them to never quit doing what's right.

"For I have decreed their victory, but they must turn back to Me. They must pick up their weapons of war. I will show them how to soar, for I am the God of victory. I do not accept defeat. It has no part of Me.

"My people must turn back to Me. Then I will lead them into victory. This is the set time. This is the time," says the Lord.

"This is the time, this is the time to come running back to Me, to come run back to Me. This is the time to come and be a part of this great army.

"I'm calling all you who have gone astray. I'm calling all you who have gotten caught up in civilian ways. I'm calling all [of] you to come in and to be a part of My army once again. I will forgive you. I will restore you. I will strengthen you, and I will make all things new. This is the time!"

when i am lonesome

2009-06-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

when I am lonesome for you

i take a mind glimpse of your face

like that of a swift train passing,

and your naughty smile

brings a flicker of warmth to this season’s wait

~

when I am lonesome for you

i keep your reverie to a simple blink

my soul is grappling with heart-strings

you are yet undeserved

and my heart’s too fragile for your untamed hand

~

my lifetime is my Maker’s trade

my hand is His to give,

and my oath only to one shall vow

but this hour, still too fragile

both our lives are

I will waste my life

2009-06-23T23:43:00.001-07:00

i am in a really really important season in my life. i hear the Lord's call to pursue the 24-7 house of prayer stronger than ever. it has been quite a pain explaining the burden to those who understand very little the pain attached to carrying such a call. i think, it can be compared to a wife longing for her husband to come back. her husband who has been gone for as long as she can remember her days on earth ever began. or maybe the longing of a mother for her newborn child. or the child for his mother. it is a longing to cling and never let go. and it is as though every day that passes without it's being established here where we live, is another day of separation from a union that is really meant for the now.

i am not pushing for a "house" to be built today or anytime soon, or this year. all i am saying is that, please allow me to love God more by expressing freely this longing for his house of prayer to be built. let me be free to say, that if i only knew or have what it takes to "establish" it now, this very minute, that i will do. that is the kind of burden and intense desire that God is birthing in many others, i believe. until i heard God call me to this ministry, i have been longing day and night for something that i could not define or begin to describe. all i knew was i wanted God and i could not think of any other task that would satisfy me more than ministering worship and prayer in his very house. i could write for an hour or two. i can design or lay out for half a day. but there is only one occupation that i could imagine myself committing my time and life to, the ministry of 24-7 worship and intercession. from the time God spoke to me some 6 years ago, the word and desire has only intensified. everything else in my life points to this call and direction. everything is being invested for this ministry. even my days, i "waste" for the sake of a moment in his court. i simply know that this is the purpose for which i have been set apart and blessed with time in my hands.

this is a fearful thing to confess because i know that not many will comprehend. but there is a need to sound the call. let those who are called hear this sound and invitation. (we are all called to intimacy of course, but not all is called to the ministry of night and day prayer) there are those whom God has marked to spend their days in the house of prayer. some full time, others part time. definitely there will be those who are called to it as a lifetime vocation. those who are called to the paradox of wasting your life for God. the Bridegroom summons you to sing for his coming in lovesick worship and melodies. and He has placed such an intense longing in your spirit to summon others to the bridal call of the Church. rise up, lovesick worshipper, the King awaits the pleasure of hearing your abandoned worship.

Altar

2009-06-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

(after reading through exodus til deuteronomy, we realize, God is worthy of all the sacrifices and single-hearted worship)

it seems so trivial, insignificant
it is nothing compared to what your martyrs endured
but it was torn from the pump beneath my chest
the very place where my treasures reside

it looks like nothing
but its stripping pains like it's the only good thing
being taken away

has it kept me alive?
but you are the air. the only breathe i need to live
has it made me smile?
but even smiles i can forgo as you collect my tears

you are laughter yet unwrapped, unheard
waiting at a distance as near as where your Spirit is
if i could dive into your heart
i would surrender
my life
to die one more time
if only to wake up in your embrace

The Cost

2009-06-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Late last year, when I was praying with my friends Michelle and April and we're having a hard time getting a breakthrough, the Lord in his mercy released a word through a vision. The vision that Michelle saw was a flag ceremony. The Philippine flag was being raised up and as the rope of the pulley was being pulled down, there was also the impression of the stronghold of corruption being pulled down. Then she sensed that the Lord is saying that He has heard the cry of the poor and oppressed and the weary...that God's heart goes out to his people with great compassion and love. She prayed, "come Lord" but the the Lord said to her, "how can i come? prepare the way of the Lord!" (Michelle, can you fill us in with the Scripture God gave you? Thanks.)

After she shared this, we started praying this prayer of "prepare the way of the Lord..." We sensed the great urgency. We sensed as well the complacency and unpreparedness of our hearts, our nation. While we though we have been diligently praying and seeking His face, we have not really come to the point of intense seriousness... a position that has really considered the cost and declared the sacrifice worth it for the sake of having God's visitation in our nation.

We have been distracted by petty concerns. Even financial concerns that are not really a matter of life and death. While... the other part of our nation is actually enduring real hardships that our struggles do not even compare to. In short, God rebuked us.

We cried, not for our nation, but for ourselves. That we would find the grace and the courage to face the question of the hour: Are we willing to pay the price?

who will finish the race?

2009-06-12T20:19:00.001-07:00

Lou Engle said in one of his preachings that in Israel, during the time when there was so much corruption, the Nazirites were a sign that God had not given up on a nation. "WHEN YOU SAW THE NAZIRITES, YOU'D KNOW THAT GOD HAD NOT GIVEN UP ON A NATION!" During a time of moral depravation and all sorts of breakdown (financial, social, etc.), God raises up a NEW BREED --- a man, or as in this case, a GENERATION that will run hard after HIM and the purposes of HIS HEART. A generation that will groan the very groanings of God. A people that has come to understand the UNQUENCHABLE love of God, a love that is RELENTLESS, and a love that SHALL NOT, WILL NOT surrender His people to the enemy of their soul. A people that will fight for the VERY THING that is IN GOD's HEART.

This reminds me of Michelle's vision and word about the heart of God for the nation. That God in his intense compassion and longing, wants to come... but finds lukewarmness in our invitation... Where has our hunger gone?

Have we started something in HUNGER and then eventually REFUSED to finish it. We have FAINTED somewhere along the way! We have forgotten the promises of God or we simply lost heart or faith. Our nation (they say) has a history of unfinished revolutions! But see, it is time we finish this revolution that we started. Fainting is not an option. Because if we faint, we will be worse off than those who never ran the race! For it will be like losing something that was really meant for us. Trading our inheritance for a bowl of soup! (of what? soup?)

We are a PRAYER MOVEMENT.

And I hear the voice of Lord echoing this words, who will finish this revolution? Sabi nga ng song ni Jason Upton, 'justice is waiting.' SEE the Lord has given us a PROMISE (promises!) and when the mouth of the Lord has spoken, it is a SACRED thing. God is not man that He should lie!

I have been praying with JREV even before the word to gather for a Solemn Assembly in Luneta had been received. (2000-2001) And I am still here right now because I simply BELIEVED. God's word, I believe will come to pass. And I DARE NOT surrender what has already been SECURED.

And the eyes of the Lord are looking to and fro across the earth for a people that is truly HIS.... Whose hearts are completely His... crying out the very cry of a just God wanting to rescue a nation from sin, injustice and corruption... WHO WILL FINISH THE REVOLUTION?

morning

2009-06-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

She rises from bed earlier than dawn
Her footsteps gentle but heart beating wild
A love not quenched, undaunted by time and waiting
puts on eternity today.

Her robe, radiant than shimmering stones,
pales beside her countenance
Eyes, face, and form steal the stage from the sunrise
as her hair romances with the breeze
Awake and ready before the sun yawned from the horizon
Her invitation has captured the morn.

Burst out sunlight
Shed rays on a banquet being set
The bride has put on the last pieces of her jewelry
The bridegroom is hurrying back from a year's journey
Longing has intensified and ripened through time
Witness this rite that seals together two destinies

Tomorrow she will rise up from bed
hair uncombed, tangled up, but gracefully falling
The scent of first morning

Frailty unclothed, unguarded before him but safe inside him
In love he has secured her uncertainties
He is the risk she has taken. In risk, she has secured his embrace.

Daddy's Last Dance

2009-05-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

You were watching me from around the corner
as I clueless-ly peeked into the box wrapped in blue and silver
You sent me a gift with someone else's name on it
Is this a favor your are getting paid for?

You drive me crazy
You love me more than anyone
but now are you are giving me away?
A smile flashes from my eyes
and you are actually pleased
that I was looking into someone else's

You walk behind me
hiding in the sidelines
pretending to be a stranger
just to watch me look around for someone
you could have embraced me
as i twirled in pure excitement
but you stepped aside

And out of the corner of my eye
I see you beaming
from the shady corner
uncovering the face of your very protege

Whose hand is this, holding mine?
you seem to have taught him your ways of holding
Your hand that had once held me tight
now gracefully lets go
The gap we have called waiting
You've sucked away
into your blissful satisfaction
Whose hand is this I'm holding?
It reminds me of yours
Yours that once held me so tight
but now found enough confidence
to let go

Mr. _ & Ms. _

2009-05-24T04:57:00.000-07:00

KUKARACH INC. aka ULAM

2009-05-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

If you saw this in a congee you ordered at Chowking or Goto King, you'd probably freak out and demand for a refund. Where we had our outreach, we intentionally put the winged-creature in the congee... We call it local delicacy... some like to munch on them as appetizer, others eat them as viand. "Ulam," we call them. So the next time we're together when a kukarach flies in front, you'll probably hear me say, "ULAM"! Don't start looking at me as if I'm weird, 'cause where I was some weeks back, you'll be the one who's weird. *WINKZ*

risking love: one (born again) testimony (out of the many)

2009-05-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

I had to ask ate sharon (a missionary in Thailand who co-led our team outreach in Ubonratchatani) more about this young girl who seemingly struggled her way to finish the salvation prayer. It boggles my mind why it had to be that difficult for her. This is what I learned from ate sha:

"She's 15 years old. Sobrang afraid sya sa parents niya kasi pag nalaman na nag change siya ng faith, papalayasin sya sa bahay nila. One year ko na syang assistant sa Sunday School and regularly nag aattend sya ng cell group namin sa school. Many times ko na din siyang tinanong if she wants to accept Jesus lagi nyang sagot di pa siya ready kasi natatakot pa sya sa parents niya until nung youth camp nga iyak siya ng iyak nung nakita ko sya habang nag aaltar call. Ayaw niyang tumayo pero gusto niya tanggapin si Jesus pero natatakot siya. Nung niyakap ko siya, sabi niya natatakot daw sya but I explained to her na di sya dapat matakot. Buti dumating si Kroo Gick, siya yung nakapag minister sa kanya at first."

"Nung nag pray sya ng acceptance bigla siya tumigil nung nasa kalagitnaan ng prayer sabi niya natatakot daw talaga sya but Kroo Gick explained again and I kept on interceeding tapos ayun finanly she received the Lord. Praise God!"

"Last Sunday, hindi siya nakapag church. Hindi ko pa alam kung bakit and since Monday di ko pa sya nakikitang dumalaw dito sa school to get her school supplies pero yung mga friends nya nakikita ko naman."

There are others with similar stories. There was one girl that I prayed for and I had the same impression about fear towards her parents. When I prayed for that girl, I didn't know yet about this common fear they have.

I praise God for the breakthroughs but we hope that there will be more who will pray for Thailand, our missionaries, the new Christians, and the old Christians who have been set on fire...(yes, this is another story we have to ask our pastors over there for this) The battle continues. God send more laborers for the harvest!

dreaming of tom yum, pad thai, kao pad, and nonprasert ;-)

2009-05-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of me this morning. Huhuhu. Obviously lost weight. I'm missing the food in Thailand... especially the free invites to lunch and dinner... It rarely happens here... See my eyes are closed. I'm envisioning a huge bowl of tom yummmmm... those lettuce wrapped fish with yummy sauce we had at P. Suay's. what's it called? And oh, the chicken and gelo at adjan tom's, the uber sossy korean bbq that takes forever to cook at adjan jay's (ok i'm just exaggerating to put some humor. ehehehe). and yeah the lumpia and kao phad (spelling check please...) at p.muay's, the drop-dead-HANGHANG-spicy-phett som tum (tam?) when we had for dinner with the teachers. the tom yum and something-with-cashew-nuts at adjan pratuan and adjan don's dinner treat! if i were allowed to stuff a bit of everything in my bag, i would have! but over-baggage na kami!!! had God not performed a miracle, we would have paid for each kilo we have in excess. but the weighing scale was kind enough to sway in favor of God's children. wooohoooo!

missin' all the pastors and their families, the teachers, students, and kids! missing the dust, the wireless-wall-less internet hub, the snakes and scorpion (in our bedroom during camp). missing seeing jemai crash against the cemented floor. bwahahaha! (we still get a good laugh everytime we watch it). yup, the skit's really moving but that part just ahh... lol) missin' the hugs and kisses. the smiles... SIGH... the waterfalls... the long rides. sleeping in the van with my mouth wide open... crazy. this is just crazy.

aytee, i have to send this now before we break into tears. :)

mwahmwah tsup tsup

riza

p.s.
i'm sending winnie the pooh a pair of shorts soon. *winkz*

awake

2009-05-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

am i hiding
or running?

as your constant love rages,
pours,
sweeps away...
have i covered myself with independence,
satisfaction,
and self-sufficiency?

i have lost my insatiability
but you,
you pour like water
from a raging falls
every second
your passion surges
with burning desire

and i
caught in indifference
try to rummage for the right emotions

am i hiding, running away?
your love rages
and my heart is taking ages
to respond

"naive emotions
soften under His gaze
dampened passion
plead for fire
senseless reasonings
break at his word

love is aching
for a glimpse of your awakened heart"

Changes after Thailand

2009-05-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

Alright. I am walking barefoot around the house today. Bakit kaya? Hindi naman bawal ang tsinelas dito... Meron din naman akong tsinelas...

Since Tuesday, I've been eating breakfast alone. Alone... so I have the freedom to choose where I will eat. For the past 3 breakfasts, I've opted to eat in a bowl. First time, muntik na ako magkamay. Bakit kaya? Ewan ko ba, bakit ganito? Sobrang namiss ko ba ang ubon.

Ulam this lunch is sinigang, naisip ko lagyan ng chili, ano kayang lasa? Tom yum. haaaay!

Anubeh. Miss ko na c jemai... sa mga teammates na di ko nakikita madalas, siya yung di ko pa natetext, pano di ko alam cell no. niya... Sana lang i-add niya ako sa multiply diba?

Kids' Camp Harvest

2009-05-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

It was unlike any other night... In a land where not everyone has heard the name of Jesus and in a country where the kids are very much like the kids all around the world - desiring love, affection, and a sense of destiny... It is inevitable to not try to reconcile the fact that some of them do not have the comfort I used to have when I was young, the comfort of having a relationship with a Father whose love is nothing less than unconditional.

And so I told them this the evening before this evening, that God is waiting: I felt the heart of God wanting to embrace each one of them. It was intense, endearing and patiently waiting love. Arms wide open, but not one was running inside. Except for one youth, none responded. What could be holding them back, I wondered. But this was the night before.

Then came morning. Gradually we saw the hand of God shift the atmosphere. One by one, kids opened up. And one by one, they came to accept Jesus.

The night unlike any other night followed. Some thirty kids gave their hearts to Christ. You must understand, they were not just asked to utter some prayer. They were fully informed what they were getting into. And they said yes, to commitment and risk. Allow me to clarify.

First. Most of these kids have been attending church for two years already and they never chose to accept Jesus. They refused Christianity but they went to church either because of their parents, the financial support, the scholarship, or all of the above.

Second. Most of them were warned by their parents against Christianity. Some of them were even threatened to being sent away from home if they changed faith.

Third. One of them had to take several pauses while praying the salvation prayer. In the middle, this child would pause, out of fear that her parents will reject her after that. This is why I know that when they chose Jesus, the choice they made is weighty. It is not just a "yes" to God, but it is a "yes" to the possible consequences of their decision. And to think, many of them were not even in their teens.

So to all who made possible this party in heaven... (Thirty days have not yet passed since 32 came to Christ. And so if there is one party per day that started the day they received Jesus, the partying is still going on right now...) to all of those who made our outreach possible, this youth camp possible, THANK YOU! To the pastors and organizers, to our hosts, to our sponsors, to our prayer warriors, to the Bible school students, campers, and all the kids, THANK YOU!!!

I would often remember my sleepless nights when I was little, nights when I would run to God and into his embrace. It brings me peace to think that these kids can now run to DADDY GOD whenever they feel alone. And I remember my journey with Jesus. They now have the privilege of walking a journey that is extraordinary. Young as they are, they have opened their lives to seeing miracles.

All glory to God. :)

let him know

2009-05-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

dear God, let him know
let him feel your fresh presence
descend on him

like the morning mist
cool as dawn in the mountains

i remember, God, when i open the back door
from the inside of my auntie's house in virginia
during spring morning
when cold air would suddenly kiss my face

your love is like that
the morning air
wasn't there the night before
but you sent it just for the morning
to love me anew
you love me anew

dear God, let him feel
that you are real
alive today
wanting to be
the whirlwind in his heart

dear God, let him know
you are real as the cold that fills our lungs
when we breathe you in
you embrace us with your very life
you embrace us with your love
you embrace us
even though
we hardly (more often than not) we hardly
know and feel

dear God, this morning,
i pray, let him know
you are ever real.

thank you. amen.

Untouchables: Blue Brothers in Laos

2009-05-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

may 6, 2009 blog

these are the 2 brothers who shared their testimony (at the rightmost side). at the leftmost is adjan tom, our anointed interpreter, host pastor, and beloved friend.

Back in Laos where we met some of the most passionate people I've ever seen, the food will always remain sumptuous and the waterfalls simply breathtaking. Their worship is heartwarming and brought tears rolling down my cheeks. Some of them do not even know how to read that well, especially those from the tribes. But their hunger to study God's word is just intense. Two men from the Blue Tribe shared with us their testimony of how God set their families free from oppressive spirits that have held them for years --- one of the men's mom acquires an intense fever every year because of the spirits in the mountains, most of them have to offer their livestock every so often just to appease these spirits. Appeasing the spirits was a way of life, or... used to be a way of life. But now, because of the power of God, they can enjoy good health and financial freedom (no more offering of cows to appease the spirits). God has become their father, fortress and redemption. How cool is that? I remember how we flee in fear from this spirits in Manila. In their tribe, warfare was a SIMPLE part of life. We were humbled to hear their testimonies. Some of them were even led through the fire without getting burned. In places like theirs, this was the way how God proves himself.

That was Laos and much more (of course). My clock is ticking, the bill for the computer rental is increasing (hehe). But I just can't help but share. More to follow later. Let us give glory to Jesus and pray that we will have the same passion and faith these people have. Remember, Laos is a restricted nation. But in these people's lives, restrictions do not limit them. In fact, God has set them apart as a group that is untouchable. All because of the power of God allowed to be made evident in their lives. They are our real-life 3 hebrew brothers... We have much to learn from them.