run riza run

i thought i was patient. i thought lang pala, i guess.

it was morning rush and i rode with my dad on his way to the office. my destination was my sister's house, some 10 minutes further past my daddy's office. he was late for work... just a few minutes late... but i was early for my appointment. i told him i'd get some snacks first before proceeding to my sister's house.

i bought some snacks from a nearby grocery. i was starving for breakfast so i also passed by mcdonald's for hamdesal. then we proceeded to my sis' house, which was a minute away. from my sister's house, the car will take them to their office, also some minutes past their house... but wala my dad left his phone in the car!

so my dad called me up at my cell and asked us to have the driver go back to his office to bring his phone --- if my sister and her husband were not in a hurry to leave for their office. i said ok. he also called my sister before calling me.

and there i was, unloading my stuff from the car. the laptop and grocery bag were too much for me too handle and so i said i'll leave my bag first and go back for it... kuya john (my bro in law) opened the door for me and went out to see the driver... i got my pasalubong for them and started taking off the price tag. then i went out to get my bag where my hamdesal and cell phones are, and to get another paper bag.

and this was the scene that bewildered me:

the parking space where the car had been was empty. the gate was barred already.

NOOOOOO...

ruffo..? ruffo..?! (that's the name of the driver.)

GONE!

in my mind: kuya john! what have you done? you sent him with my bags still in the car! and rufo, why so quick to leave? didn't i say i was going back for my other stuff? waaah :((

then i thought maybe he's be back for them right after he's brought the phone to my dad. but then i was already wickedly pissed off.

traffic outside was slow moving. what do i do? scurry...! so i hurried off and tried to race after the car. then later i was already running, halfheartedly running. arrrrgh! it was no longer in sight but the road was curving so it could be just meters away. arrrrgh... whaat am i doing running along narra street at 930 in the morning with fresh make up and thong slippers? i caught sight of ESI (our car, honda esi), she's reached the curve where the traffic loosens up. too late... :(

i asked my sis if ruffo will be back. he will be, she said. but i still felt like crying. you see, you don't separate a busy girl from her hand bag, especially if her cell phone, bible and BREAKFAST are in there! and so there it was, me with 15 minutes of withdrawal syndrome having been separated from my bag, bible and breakfast.

but here it is already. it's back before i even finished writing this blog.

emptiness and greatness

If you think you're life is useless, you are mistaken. If you think your life is small, you are being deceived. Moreover, if you think it's okay to live your life any way you want to, it's because there is something your parents did not tell you about your past. (Sounds pretty much like a telenovela right? But it's true.) There is a family secret that you have to uncover. Once you do, believe me, most of that confusing and emptiness will begin to make sense...

GDP, AM, EJ, JR. Do you know what these initials stand for? If not junior, gross domestic product, a name of a guy, and ante meridiem, what else can they stand for? Let me tell you a story.

GDP didn't know that that moment will be remembered and re-remembered by thousands as students go to high school and college, as historians teach their classes, and as truth seekers go back to their past for wisdom. He knew he was NOT just risking his life, he was in fact, laying it down. There was almost no chance of coming out of it alive! But he knew what he had to do and he did it. Now we read his last entry in his journal to get even just a glimpse of what happens in a young hero's heart before he dies.:

The General [Aguinaldo] has given me a platoon of available men and has ordered me to defend this pass. I am aware of what a difficult task has been given to me. Nevertheless, I feel that this is the most glorious moment of my life. There is no greater sacrifice. (from the last entry in del Pilar's journal)

That is Gregorio del Pilar. GDP.

We have more. We have men who did not give the enemy the advantage of being lured into self pity because of physical inability but instead served his nation with everything he had, who did not consider being the youngest and least experienced as an excuse to not contribute, who would rather expose injustice than live a comfortable, luxurious and safe, yet mediocre life. Apolinario Mabini. Emilio Jacinto. Jose Rizal.

Now what has your life got to do with any of their lives? When these men were born, do you honestly think that God did not know how he was going to use them? It believe God did know. Didn't God say in His word that he knows us, and that before we were born, He set us apart for a task that is especially for us? (Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 2:10)

Today, our nation is facing an intense battle. Have you not yet figured it out - that decades of oppression and injustice have been crying out for men and women like you to rise up and ask God, "Lord, what is my part in this revolution for righteousness?" Just a few days ago, God rebuked me for counting my pennies while dreaming of earning money so i can go to the salon. "Is that the best you can care about Riza?" God said. Is that the highest goal you want to live for? And with more intensity I felt God say these words, "Do you think you sincerely care about injustice if you're spending half of your energy running after shallow dreams of luxury and comfort?

If GDP, AM, EJ and JR had decided that their lives are useless, or that they're small, or that they have every right to live it just as they wish, wouldn't you hate them for doing so? When thrust in the middle of a society groaning for crumbs of peace and decency, what kind of conscience could afford to think of dining alone in satisfaction while the rest of the nations starves?

Fellow sojourner, you have been thrust in the middle of a battle and are you not aware of it? If you think your life is less than extraordinary, think again. It won't be, if you are willing to be be counted amongst those who are consumed for a cause worth living for, and leaving the past for.

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your SELFISH WAYS, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life,you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it... -- Luke 9:23-24

surrender

lovingly, you trim the ragged edges of my plans
you place them meticulously on a white blood-washed canvass
you sew each piece in place



i have released the jewel of self-dependence in a once clenched fist
i have pushed myself off a cliff
now i am riding on the crest of a river roaring downward into a basin miles below
my tears mingle with splashes of fresh water

your hands have gently molded surrender in my heart
your precipice that once brought fear has taught me how to fly