My Lover

*Purge me of MY shallow words, MY pledges of foolishness, passion unsubstantiated, flaky promises, and all forms of cowardice that make me run away rather than endure fire when it begins to rage.

but your bride said that you are
the most handsome of ALL men
and you have pursued me even before
there was any beauty in me
and you say to me,
"don't try to understand my love,
it is too much for you"

I must (get to) know you
If I don't, I might shut my door on you
Your appearance has been romanticized
but the prophet said
there was nothing beautiful about it
the men that came to you
were not lured by your complexion
who are you?

who are you?
the one who never ceased to wait
the one who never ceased to watch me
the one who never ceased...

the words of my youth
you cherished as much
as the words of my womanhood
who am i to know you?
yet you are running
after me

who are you when i am not looking?
and most of the time, i am not
who are you when i am attentive?
you pour out as much as i can hold

who are you? the man i do not know
the man who knows me well
the man i've never seen
the man, whose face i hope i'd recognize

i will run.


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Isaiah 53:2b
Psalm 130
Song of Songs

thank and you will receive

My instinct has always been to pray. I badly wanted our team (Ateneo Blue Eagles) to win. Watching the game from upper box seats in Araneta Coliseum made the desire even more intense. But what are the chances that God would grant me my request? Certainly, there are also La Sallians praying for the Green Archers to win. What makes my request more weighty than theirs? So I found myself asking God what it would take to get his favor just for today.

First quarter of the game, I was nervous. There certainly is no guarantee that God is on our side. The heck, it's a basketball game! Why would God take sides right? But I was praying for our players that they would find the grace and strength and perseverance to go all out - to give their best. I just prayed for the best. I couldn't pray for us to win. At most I can pray for a winning performance. But in my heart I kept on telling God, "if there's anything I can do, just let me know!"

But when we reached the second half, God started speaking. He said, "Thank me. Why are you so nervous and doubtful? If you have faith, you will start thanking me." Then came a surge of faith. I realized that my fear is doing me no good! I have to start thanking God for the best that is to come. From pleading with God I started thanking and my it feels right! Thank you God for the victory... It was then that I realized that God was teaching me how to war again. In the face of intimidation, it is not helpful to beg! Begging puts you in a position of defeat!! If you are to win, you have to see yourself winning and when you do, the only response will be to start thanking God. I began to thank God. The more I did, the more I my mind found the grace to see victory and vise versa.

By the end of the 4th quarter, I already feel God's joy - kahit na nagtie!!!

For those of you who watched the game tonight, you know that Ateneo Blue Eagles won. (ONE BIG FIGHT!!!) But it was not our team's "victory" that convinces me that my prayers worked. I mean, whether my thanksgiving brought the team to win today's match or not, I believe they were nonetheless, the right prayers - prayers that see God as worthy of thanksgiving and prayers that somehow ministered blessing.

About an hour after the game has ended, I found myself thinking (and thinking...) of the game and how Blue Eagle team player Eric Salamat played a big role in the team's victory. "Go Salamat!" I thought... "What a name," I said to myself. Then right after that thought I suddenly realized, "Hey! Salamat means Thanks!" Right then and there I knew God was sealing in his message for me for the day: Give thanks. It's your weapon for war. Thanksgiving will bring you into victory. =)

Thanks tita tes for the early tickets... Til championships!

ONE BIG FIGHT!

lost on a saturday

the caffeine has subsided... at least 90% of its effect has... i'm still feelin' a bit off. was not able to spend some time in quiet today. same old problem. "where do i do it" well, i could just throw my face into the pillow and plug in my earplugs. why i did not do that, i don't know.

my greatest accomplishment for the day so far is eating breakfast. because of this, i'm not having a headache right now. i'm still a bit sluggish though. has to be the late nights (or 'til mornings) i've been spending awake. but i've stopped doing that intentionally since last night. if not for the caffeine, i would have been gone by 11pm.

i'm working on a saturday. scurrying off to the rink. haven't had lunch and it's almost 2pm. i think i should marry a chef. but before that i have to fix my life and vow to never miss my quiet time despite the noise --- EVERYWHERE.

Perfectly Imperfect

To my covenant sisters Meech and April. thanks you for sticking with me through hard times. (charing. ang drama.) I'm trying my best to get back on track.

Also, to all my sisters who've held me up when I could hardly stand.

Perfectly Imperfect

You are perfect
just the way you are
We fail every now and then
But we never give up
We're stricken clueless often
But we won't stop asking questions, will we?
(Learning takes a lifetime)
We are embarrassed when our selfishness is exposed
it happens...
But we learn to say sorry

Watching you love breaks my fears
Your brokenness in trying, heals me
We are imperfect people
striving to love
perfectly
It is far from our grasp
but we never stop climbing
enduring

Change for the best
But not to be loved
You already are

You are perfectly imperfect
the way you are
I feel like I am failing, falling
But on me, you have not given up
I am stricken clueless
I feel embarrassed and exposed
It happens...
I am learning to accept
the fact that you've chosen to stay with me
Glued together through imperfect times
We've promised to be alright

I wanna cringe
as I watch you love... my imperfections
It's funny how
we look beautiful when we are weak
It's funny how
imperfect love does make us strong

---

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Cor. 12:9

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. - 1 Pet. 4:8