Daddy's Last Dance

You were watching me from around the corner
as I clueless-ly peeked into the box wrapped in blue and silver
You sent me a gift with someone else's name on it
Is this a favor your are getting paid for?

You drive me crazy
You love me more than anyone
but now are you are giving me away?
A smile flashes from my eyes
and you are actually pleased
that I was looking into someone else's

You walk behind me
hiding in the sidelines
pretending to be a stranger
just to watch me look around for someone
you could have embraced me
as i twirled in pure excitement
but you stepped aside









And out of the corner of my eye
I see you beaming
from the shady corner
uncovering the face of your very protege

Whose hand is this, holding mine?
you seem to have taught him your ways of holding
Your hand that had once held me tight
now gracefully lets go
The gap we have called waiting
You've sucked away
into your blissful satisfaction
Whose hand is this I'm holding?
It reminds me of yours
Yours that once held me so tight
but now found enough confidence
to let go

Mr. _____ & Ms. _____

KUKARACH INC. aka ULAM

If you saw this in a congee you ordered at Chowking or Goto King, you'd probably freak out and demand for a refund. Where we had our outreach, we intentionally put the winged-creature in the congee... We call it local delicacy... some like to munch on them as appetizer, others eat them as viand. "Ulam," we call them. So the next time we're together when a kukarach flies in front, you'll probably hear me say, "ULAM"! Don't start looking at me as if I'm weird, 'cause where I was some weeks back, you'll be the one who's weird. *WINKZ*

risking love: one (born again) testimony (out of the many)

I had to ask ate sharon (a missionary in Thailand who co-led our team outreach in Ubonratchatani) more about this young girl who seemingly struggled her way to finish the salvation prayer. It boggles my mind why it had to be that difficult for her. This is what I learned from ate sha:

"She's 15 years old. Sobrang afraid sya sa parents niya kasi pag nalaman na nag change siya ng faith, papalayasin sya sa bahay nila. One year ko na syang assistant sa Sunday School and regularly nag aattend sya ng cell group namin sa school. Many times ko na din siyang tinanong if she wants to accept Jesus lagi nyang sagot di pa siya ready kasi natatakot pa sya sa parents niya until nung youth camp nga iyak siya ng iyak nung nakita ko sya habang nag aaltar call. Ayaw niyang tumayo pero gusto niya tanggapin si Jesus pero natatakot siya. Nung niyakap ko siya, sabi niya natatakot daw sya but I explained to her na di sya dapat matakot. Buti dumating si Kroo Gick, siya yung nakapag minister sa kanya at first."

"Nung nag pray sya ng acceptance bigla siya tumigil nung nasa kalagitnaan ng prayer sabi niya natatakot daw talaga sya but Kroo Gick explained again and I kept on interceeding tapos ayun finanly she received the Lord. Praise God!"

"Last Sunday, hindi siya nakapag church. Hindi ko pa alam kung bakit and since Monday di ko pa sya nakikitang dumalaw dito sa school to get her school supplies pero yung mga friends nya nakikita ko naman."

There are others with similar stories. There was one girl that I prayed for and I had the same impression about fear towards her parents. When I prayed for that girl, I didn't know yet about this common fear they have.

I praise God for the breakthroughs but we hope that there will be more who will pray for Thailand, our missionaries, the new Christians, and the old Christians who have been set on fire...(yes, this is another story we have to ask our pastors over there for this) The battle continues. God send more laborers for the harvest!

dreaming of tom yum, pad thai, kao pad, and nonprasert ;-)

This is a photo of me this morning. Huhuhu. Obviously lost weight. I'm missing the food in Thailand... especially the free invites to lunch and dinner... It rarely happens here... See my eyes are closed. I'm envisioning a huge bowl of tom yummmmm... those lettuce wrapped fish with yummy sauce we had at P. Suay's. what's it called? And oh, the chicken and gelo at adjan tom's, the uber sossy korean bbq that takes forever to cook at adjan jay's (ok i'm just exaggerating to put some humor. ehehehe). and yeah the lumpia and kao phad (spelling check please...) at p.muay's, the drop-dead-HANGHANG-spicy-phett som tum (tam?) when we had for dinner with the teachers. the tom yum and something-with-cashew-nuts at adjan pratuan and adjan don's dinner treat! if i were allowed to stuff a bit of everything in my bag, i would have! but over-baggage na kami!!! had God not performed a miracle, we would have paid for each kilo we have in excess. but the weighing scale was kind enough to sway in favor of God's children. wooohoooo!

missin' all the pastors and their families, the teachers, students, and kids! missing the dust, the wireless-wall-less internet hub, the snakes and scorpion (in our bedroom during camp). missing seeing jemai crash against the cemented floor. bwahahaha! (we still get a good laugh everytime we watch it). yup, the skit's really moving but that part just ahh... lol) missin' the hugs and kisses. the smiles... SIGH... the waterfalls... the long rides. sleeping in the van with my mouth wide open... crazy. this is just crazy.

aytee, i have to send this now before we break into tears. :)

mwahmwah tsup tsup

riza

p.s.
i'm sending winnie the pooh a pair of shorts soon. *winkz*

awake

am i hiding
or running?

as your constant love rages,
pours,
sweeps away...
have i covered myself with independence,
satisfaction,
and self-sufficiency?

i have lost my insatiability
but you,
you pour like water
from a raging falls
every second
your passion surges
with burning desire

and i
caught in indifference
try to rummage for the right emotions

am i hiding, running away?
your love rages
and my heart is taking ages
to respond

"naive emotions
soften under His gaze
dampened passion
plead for fire
senseless reasonings
break at his word

love is aching
for a glimpse of your awakened heart"

Changes after Thailand

Alright. I am walking barefoot around the house today. Bakit kaya? Hindi naman bawal ang tsinelas dito... Meron din naman akong tsinelas...

Since Tuesday, I've been eating breakfast alone. Alone... so I have the freedom to choose where I will eat. For the past 3 breakfasts, I've opted to eat in a bowl. First time, muntik na ako magkamay. Bakit kaya? Ewan ko ba, bakit ganito? Sobrang namiss ko ba ang ubon.

Ulam this lunch is sinigang, naisip ko lagyan ng chili, ano kayang lasa? Tom yum. haaaay!

Anubeh. Miss ko na c jemai... sa mga teammates na di ko nakikita madalas, siya yung di ko pa natetext, pano di ko alam cell no. niya... Sana lang i-add niya ako sa multiply diba?

Kids' Camp Harvest

It was unlike any other night... In a land where not everyone has heard the name of Jesus and in a country where the kids are very much like the kids all around the world - desiring love, affection, and a sense of destiny... It is inevitable to not try to reconcile the fact that some of them do not have the comfort I used to have when I was young, the comfort of having a relationship with a Father whose love is nothing less than unconditional.

And so I told them this the evening before this evening, that God is waiting: I felt the heart of God wanting to embrace each one of them. It was intense, endearing and patiently waiting love. Arms wide open, but not one was running inside. Except for one youth, none responded. What could be holding them back, I wondered. But this was the night before.

Then came morning. Gradually we saw the hand of God shift the atmosphere. One by one, kids opened up. And one by one, they came to accept Jesus.

The night unlike any other night followed. Some thirty kids gave their hearts to Christ. You must understand, they were not just asked to utter some prayer. They were fully informed what they were getting into. And they said yes, to commitment and risk. Allow me to clarify.

First. Most of these kids have been attending church for two years already and they never chose to accept Jesus. They refused Christianity but they went to church either because of their parents, the financial support, the scholarship, or all of the above.

Second. Most of them were warned by their parents against Christianity. Some of them were even threatened to being sent away from home if they changed faith.

Third. One of them had to take several pauses while praying the salvation prayer. In the middle, this child would pause, out of fear that her parents will reject her after that. This is why I know that when they chose Jesus, the choice they made is weighty. It is not just a "yes" to God, but it is a "yes" to the possible consequences of their decision. And to think, many of them were not even in their teens.

So to all who made possible this party in heaven... (Thirty days have not yet passed since 32 came to Christ. And so if there is one party per day that started the day they received Jesus, the partying is still going on right now...) to all of those who made our outreach possible, this youth camp possible, THANK YOU! To the pastors and organizers, to our hosts, to our sponsors, to our prayer warriors, to the Bible school students, campers, and all the kids, THANK YOU!!!

I would often remember my sleepless nights when I was little, nights when I would run to God and into his embrace. It brings me peace to think that these kids can now run to DADDY GOD whenever they feel alone. And I remember my journey with Jesus. They now have the privilege of walking a journey that is extraordinary. Young as they are, they have opened their lives to seeing miracles.

All glory to God. :)

let him know

dear God, let him know
let him feel your fresh presence
descend on him

like the morning mist
cool as dawn in the mountains

i remember, God, when i open the back door
from the inside of my auntie's house in virginia
during spring morning
when cold air would suddenly kiss my face

your love is like that
the morning air
wasn't there the night before
but you sent it just for the morning
to love me anew
you love me anew

dear God, let him feel
that you are real
alive today
wanting to be
the whirlwind in his heart

dear God, let him know
you are real as the cold that fills our lungs
when we breathe you in
you embrace us with your very life
you embrace us with your love
you embrace us
even though
we hardly (more often than not) we hardly
know and feel

dear God, this morning,
i pray, let him know
you are ever real.

thank you. amen.

Untouchables: Blue Brothers in Laos

may 6, 2009 blog

these are the 2 brothers who shared their testimony (at the rightmost side). at the leftmost is adjan tom, our anointed interpreter, host pastor, and beloved friend.


Back in Laos where we met some of the most passionate people I've ever seen, the food will always remain sumptuous and the waterfalls simply breathtaking. Their worship is heartwarming and brought tears rolling down my cheeks. Some of them do not even know how to read that well, especially those from the tribes. But their hunger to study God's word is just intense. Two men from the Blue Tribe shared with us their testimony of how God set their families free from oppressive spirits that have held them for years --- one of the men's mom acquires an intense fever every year because of the spirits in the mountains, most of them have to offer their livestock every so often just to appease these spirits. Appeasing the spirits was a way of life, or... used to be a way of life. But now, because of the power of God, they can enjoy good health and financial freedom (no more offering of cows to appease the spirits). God has become their father, fortress and redemption. How cool is that? I remember how we flee in fear from this spirits in Manila. In their tribe, warfare was a SIMPLE part of life. We were humbled to hear their testimonies. Some of them were even led through the fire without getting burned. In places like theirs, this was the way how God proves himself.


That was Laos and much more (of course). My clock is ticking, the bill for the computer rental is increasing (hehe). But I just can't help but share. More to follow later. Let us give glory to Jesus and pray that we will have the same passion and faith these people have. Remember, Laos is a restricted nation. But in these people's lives, restrictions do not limit them. In fact, God has set them apart as a group that is untouchable. All because of the power of God allowed to be made evident in their lives. They are our real-life 3 hebrew brothers... We have much to learn from them.