one time i posted this as my facebook status: 100% yours. "yours" meaning God's. minutes after my status post, another friend of mine posted a similar status: 100% Yours too. yes, he opted to capitalize the first letter of the word "yours" to remove any obscurity. I have to admit, it made me laugh. I think that statement had some pretty cool impact because another friend of mine wanted to design a shirt using those words. everybody wants to be 100% huh?
i remember the first time i used that phrase. it was while praying on the stage during a JREV night. i was on my knees and i shouted those words on the microphone. "100% Yours God! we are 100% yours." and just like any prayer or statement we make (especially the ones we utter on the microphone, or before a great public for that matter), it is bound to be tested. for months now, God has been testing that profession of love. and just when i thought i was passing the test and the intensity of the fire is already about to cool down, i found myself mistaken. just yesterday, i realized that at the root of a stubble i've been going through is an un-surrendered right.
oh yes, i am not the kind of gal who will hold back anything from my Jesus. but just when i thought that i was running with 100%, my God exposes me, and shows me that there is something that has been gripping my heart with self-centeredness.
every time i am brought to a place like this one, a place of realization and wooing (being wooed by God), i remember God's words to his beloved people Israel, "your love is like the morning dew, it quickly disappears." how my 100 per cent has leaked out so rapidly is a mystery to me. i have guarded my heart, i have been careful, i have loved crazy. but my heart is ever unequipped to match the rigorous and radical love of a Savior who does not squint even in front of death. and yes, i am satisfied to admit that my heart, every now and then, needs re-calibration and refocusing. daily it needs to offer a sacrifice to keep that fire burning. daily it has to die.
so this is my 100%. a life embracing that my weakness proves his strength. a humbled heart accepting that my unfaithfulness ever proves his. and will that is broken for the sake of surrendering every part until i am truly 100% my Jesus'.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
mustard seed
dear daddy king,
it's been a while since i wrote you a note. but you know we always talk. i know that you KNOW how i feel right now. things are not as bad as before but my love for Jesus is being tested more than ever. my head already knows so much better. my hands and will are so much stronger. my heart is more discerning and desiring of things that are good for me. but the cost of obedience seem to have gone up and i find myself (once again) rummaging for something stronger than my own convictions and vows. i find myself searching where to download that faith of my very own daddy king, the faith that moves mountains. there must be more.
your riza
it's been a while since i wrote you a note. but you know we always talk. i know that you KNOW how i feel right now. things are not as bad as before but my love for Jesus is being tested more than ever. my head already knows so much better. my hands and will are so much stronger. my heart is more discerning and desiring of things that are good for me. but the cost of obedience seem to have gone up and i find myself (once again) rummaging for something stronger than my own convictions and vows. i find myself searching where to download that faith of my very own daddy king, the faith that moves mountains. there must be more.
your riza
Monday, January 4, 2010
One Great Love
(note: it's an ultra long blog i know. but to those who will dare read it, please do not be misled by the cheesy intro. do finish this entry before dismissing or judging it. and please do not quote me out of context. thank you very much and happy blessed 2010!)
One Great Love
Is there such a thing? For as long as I can remember, I have dreamt of finding mine. Someone whose eyes I can look into without saying a thing and yet find myself fully known. Fully understood. Wholly accepted. Made whole.
(I now find myself smiling as I write these words.)
Is there such a "one" for me that was made in heaven, crafted by the hands of the Divine, and soon to be carried to my doorstep by angels blushing in excitement? Alright alright… maybe that sounds like a bit too fantastic. But for 'hopeful romantics' like some of us, we do perceive that our love-story-to-be will be nothing less than serendipitous and heaven-crafted. God sent.
One Great Love
Is there such a thing? For as long as I can remember, I have dreamt of finding mine. Someone whose eyes I can look into without saying a thing and yet find myself fully known. Fully understood. Wholly accepted. Made whole.
(I now find myself smiling as I write these words.)
Is there such a "one" for me that was made in heaven, crafted by the hands of the Divine, and soon to be carried to my doorstep by angels blushing in excitement? Alright alright… maybe that sounds like a bit too fantastic. But for 'hopeful romantics' like some of us, we do perceive that our love-story-to-be will be nothing less than serendipitous and heaven-crafted. God sent.
Friday, January 1, 2010
turning away from beauty
this is the closest i have stood to embodiment
and the clearest view i have been given
of a dream, so sweet and pleasant
this is almost as real as happy ending
and i do not want to leave this place
this must be God's kindness
God's imagination unleashed for me to touch
this must be heaven
or a foretaste of it
this must be...
and the clearest view i have been given
of a dream, so sweet and pleasant
this is almost as real as happy ending
and i do not want to leave this place
this must be God's kindness
God's imagination unleashed for me to touch
this must be heaven
or a foretaste of it
this must be...
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