one hundred per cent

one time i posted this as my facebook status: 100% yours. "yours" meaning God's. minutes after my status post, another friend of mine posted a similar status: 100% Yours too. yes, he opted to capitalize the first letter of the word "yours" to remove any obscurity. I have to admit, it made me laugh. I think that statement had some pretty cool impact because another friend of mine wanted to design a shirt using those words. everybody wants to be 100% huh?

i remember the first time i used that phrase. it was while praying on the stage during a JREV night. i was on my knees and i shouted those words on the microphone. "100% Yours God! we are 100% yours." and just like any prayer or statement we make (especially the ones we utter on the microphone, or before a great public for that matter), it is bound to be tested. for months now, God has been testing that profession of love. and just when i thought i was passing the test and the intensity of the fire is already about to cool down, i found myself mistaken. just yesterday, i realized that at the root of a stubble i've been going through is an un-surrendered right.

oh yes, i am not the kind of gal who will hold back anything from my Jesus. but just when i thought that i was running with 100%, my God exposes me, and shows me that there is something that has been gripping my heart with self-centeredness.

every time i am brought to a place like this one, a place of realization and wooing (being wooed by God), i remember God's words to his beloved people Israel, "your love is like the morning dew, it quickly disappears." how my 100 per cent has leaked out so rapidly is a mystery to me. i have guarded my heart, i have been careful, i have loved crazy. but my heart is ever unequipped to match the rigorous and radical love of a Savior who does not squint even in front of death. and yes, i am satisfied to admit that my heart, every now and then, needs re-calibration and refocusing. daily it needs to offer a sacrifice to keep that fire burning. daily it has to die.

so this is my 100%. a life embracing that my weakness proves his strength. a humbled heart accepting that my unfaithfulness ever proves his. and will that is broken for the sake of surrendering every part until i am truly 100% my Jesus'.