cool to know it's hot...! (free wifi in SM marikina)

i had gotten so used to gateway that i never seriously considered expecting SM Marikina to have free wifi... but lo and behold! [my mom, on errand to SM Marikina, and me tagging along to get a free ride to Cubao (stop over ito...) decided to eat at the food court. i had my "office" with me. i thought i'd finish my offline work while waiting for her to finish eating. so i got my laptop, opened it, and said, 'matesting nga kung may wifi. kung wala, keber... di ko naman kelangan eh...' at the back of my head i was thinking, 'asa ka riza, nasa SM ka, hindi araneta yan...'] but yeah yeah, lo and behold indeed, and there was! SM Free WiFI Zone - full bar pa!





well, this is how you get surprised because you never asked or tried... it did cross my mind to ask before but whatdaheck, sabi ko kc, SM yan... asa ka riza. hehehe. meron pala. hehe. lesson learned. don't judge a book by it's cover. read the cover. errr. anu daw?

ransom business?

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day 3 - moody?

i was really excited to skate on my first two days. by day 3, i suddenly got lazy. i was feeling a bit down for some reason. i dealt with it in prayer that morning. but i had to stay alert and guard my thoughts and emotions throughout the day. when i got to the rink, i didn't feel like teaching... harhar... but of course, there was no room for mood swings there. i just dealt with it. get the right attitude to change my mood. *praying!

then came my first student. God, "bahala ka na." basta as always, i'll do my best. never mind how i feel. (it usually gets better once i start teaching 'coz i get reminded how much i enjoy it...) "What's his name?" i asked my student's mom. "Caleb." whoa! "Cool name," i thought to myself. Let's go Caleb!

After teaching him, i left him to practice on his own. He did a great job! On his way out of the rink, like more than an hour after i taught him, he didn't forget to wave at me. So that was my first student this tuesday. A six-year-old boy named Caleb, reminding me that God has placed me there for a purpose. Like Caleb, each day is an opportunity to seize my destiny.

By the way, my friend april visited me early on in my shift... (Thanks sis!!!) That was before I got my first student. At di siya nagskate pero naka-apak siya ng yelo! Thanks to manong guard for letting her in. =P


my playground...

Beauty in Walking Away

by Marie Digby

A light shines off in the distance
A pale flickering glow
How many times do I have to dream that I could be there
The time is here and she won't be waiting
for me to find the easy way out
I've lost count of the days that were wasted

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
There's a beauty in walking away

I float on the streets that are empty
Take the path that the wind only knows
Tonight is the last time that I'll ever be here

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
There's a beauty in walking away

It's never quite simple, it's never that safe
It never seems perfect until it's too late
It's never the right time to find a new way

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
There's a beauty in walking away

Beauty Walking Away - Marie Digby

The love of Christ which passeth knowledge

MORNING & EVENING: DAILY READINGS
by Charles Spurgeon
March 28

"The love of Christ which passeth knowledge." --Ephesians 3:19 The love of Christ in its sweetness, its fulness, its greatness, its faithfulness, passeth all human comprehension. Where shall language be found which shall describe His matchless, His unparalleled love towards the children of men? It is so vast and boundless that, as the swallow but skimmeth the water, and diveth not into its depths, so all descriptive words but touch the surface, while depths immeasurable lie beneath. Well might the poet say, "O love, thou fathomless abyss!" for this love of Christ is indeed measureless and fathomless; none can attain unto it. Before we can have any right idea of the love of Jesus, we must understand His previous glory in its height of majesty, and His incarnation upon the earth in all its depths of shame. But who can tell us the majesty of Christ? When He was enthroned in the highest heavens He was very God of very God; by Him were the heavens made, and all the hosts thereof. His own almighty arm upheld the spheres; the praises of cherubim and seraphim perpetually surrounded Him; the full chorus of the hallelujahs of the universe unceasingly flowed to the foot of his throne: He reigned supreme above all His creatures, God over all, blessed for ever. Who can tell His height of glory then? And who, on the other hand, can tell how low He descended? To be a man was something, to be a man of sorrows was far more; to bleed, and die, and suffer, these were much for Him who was the Son of God; but to suffer such unparalleled agony--to endure a death of shame and desertion by His Father, this is a depth of condescending love which the most inspired mind must utterly fail to fathom. Herein is love! and truly it is love that "passeth knowledge." O let this love fill our hearts with adoring gratitude, and lead us to practical manifestations of its power.

Proverbs

By wisdom the Lord founded the earth; by understanding he created the heavens. By his knowledge the deep fountains of the earth burst forth and the dew settles beneath the night sky (Prov. 3:19-20)

The same wisdom, yes it is the same wisdom -- that put the stars in place and the planets in perfect orbit and order -- which God's hand imparts to our spirit and mind.

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. For WISDOM WILL ENTER YOUR HEART, and KNOWLEDGE WILL FILL YOU WITH JOY. Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe. (Prov. 2:9-11)

My confession for the day: I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I just don't get it God. I really don't. It's painful and mind-boggling. It's disappointing and perplexing. I just DON'T understand. And it seems like no one will ever understand either how difficult it is to stand in faith when every part of you wants to resist the still small voice that seems extra small this time of your life.

But you are Wisdom. And I am your student, daughter and beloved. Finally, I yield to your LOVE.

back on ice

first time to skate again after more than a year. i was a bit worried that the padding inside my skates have dried up and it might crumble into powder anytime. fortunately, it was only the surface that had hardened a bit and most of it is still intact and strong. thank you Lord i don't need to spend money to have the padding replaced!

more than 400 days (i think) since i last put on a pair of figure skates... there i was on the bench, excited and nervous. i know it would be painful - on my feet. i'd have to break the shoes in again. it will be stiff against my feet again. and pressure points will hurt. then i'd have to do this while adjusting to my first day as assist coach. assist coaching for the second time around. the 1st time was way back when i was in college...

minutes later, there i was back on the ice. looking around, everything felt familiar. seems like nothing has changed. except me! and that, i pulled some ligaments during my light stretching. tsssssk. talk about lack of exercise! but it wasn't that bad after a few hours on ice. the first few minutes felt weird on my feet. stiff. wobbly. but after the first few hours, i knew i was still home on the ice.

then i taught 3 students that day. a nine year old, 16-year old and four year old. hurray! i remembered how much i love to teach. and how much i love teaching ice skating.

see, weeks ago, God gave me 3 consecutive dreams about me skating. it was after that that i realized God was calling me to go back on the ice. i immediately obeyed by deciding to apply as assist coach. and walah! the Lord confirmed it through my dad too. this made me even more decided to pursue the application right away!

then weeks after, here i am with aching legs and feet. but there is joy joy joy in my heart when i teach! thank you Jesus. you make all things work together for the good of those who love you. *hugs*

sorry i wasn't able to take photos of the rink... nor of my students! as usual, i forgot!

childlike faith

today, God reminded me of the first time i learned how to pray. I was three or four years old then and this was how my Daddy taught me. he led me to a short prayer:

bless mommy. bless daddy. bless ate. bless nanay. bless tatay... (and i forgot who else to bless but it was a prayer short enough for me to memorize so it must have been pretty much only the ones i mentioned above...):

then told me:

when you pray to God, He will grant you anything you ask for...

i also remember wondering why those were the only things we prayed for since God is definitely sure to grant everything we ask for. i am not exaggerating friends. i really did not get the logic. i was told that i can ask God anything and it will be given to me. and then that's all i will ask from God...? i was hoping we would ask for more stuff. i certainly did not mind spending a bit more time asking. i was a bit confused. but obedient girl that i was, i ended my prayer as soon as daddy ended his. but i had planned to ask God for more stuff. next time. when i'm alone.

i could not remember anymore what happened after that. but reminded of that incident, and the many dreams i've been having lately about children, i know that God wants to shatter certain mindsets i have about prayer and what faith really means. God wants to shatter the adult prayers that make things many times too complicated. do we really think it is commendable to have childlike faith? or have do we see that phrase as just another cliche? do we really believe that it is possible to have childlike faith? or is it something that will forever remain to be for children?

For man, it may be impossible. But nothing is impossible with God. Mark 10:27

God, i surrender to you my impossiblities. who can make me like a child again but you? but even that seems impossible; yet i surrender to you -- yes, even this right to fathom what the word miracle means.

monday

i am grateful to have started the day right with extended time with God. we had a pretty long conversation... it had to be long considering i was in "tampo" mode since the other day. never mind why, but let me just say it was really tough letting go of my disappointment. i got REALLY disappointed. i felt stuck in a helpless situation and i felt left alone by God on purpose. i knew we had to settle it before the matter gets worse, and so we did. so my heart was crushed. it is extremely difficult to trust when you can't see or feel a single hint of assurance. when everything turned out the opposite of how you expected it to turn out. but even so, one has to trust that it is for ones good. despite the fear. despite the hurt. and only love can take one through such a valley of fear and disappointment.

i had been asking God for faith, but it seems to be taking some time before i sense its benefits finally made complete in me... so i wrestled for it. but as i wrestled i only felt more disappointed. i hated God for not giving in to my conditions. God! this was not what i expected.

then all of a sudden he reminded me of a promise i made. to love Him. in the craziness of things, it seems i have suddenly forgotten that this was where it all started. in love. 'would you love me even if you could not understand? would you love me even if you feel i do not understand?' i realized that i had easily given up on love. as soon as the clouds appeared, as soon as the skies darkened, my love had turned cold. my heart was tested and it's limits didn't seem too difficult to reach. after singing my love songs that vowed to love him through the pains of life.

now i'm learning to tread gently on grace-showered paths. i realize, only love can conquer roads like these. if faith can live by itself and not by sight. then love must be able to live and survive even without everything else. for what else can conquer death except love?

i remember what the apostle Paul said about faith, hope and love... love being the greatest among the three. at the end of the day, love saved us all.

with all our mind!

...an itch in your spirit will never be satisfied by a scratch from your soul. when your spirit is restless, when it says 'i feel stirred,' it will never be satisfied by a scratch from your soul... you can go eat something or go do something, but at the end of the day your spirit is shut down.... there's nothing better to do with an evening where you feel that itch than to fill your mind with God. LOVE GOD WITH ALL YOUR MIND! Fill your intellect with truth.

- Mike Bickle (slightly paraphrased)

substitutes

there was heaviness in my heart as i waited on the Lord. i missed Him badly. this week has been particularly busy. i cancelled an appointment to be able to have quality time with Him this morning. i wonder what He has to say - there must be a lot... yesterday morning, first thing in my head as i woke up were words from Jesus, "riza, you have to listen." then, i realized, i need more time to quiet down and wait on Him.

"what is it Lord?" i kept on asking Him this morning... my heart just didn't feel right. i needed Him badly but something was in the way...

---

stop feeding your soul.

whoa. i didn't expect that God would make such a big deal out of it. see, when you're waiting for the fulfillment of a promise, it's tempting to cater to substitutes that present themselves during your time of waiting (and wrestling for your promise). fulfillment that is supposed to come from that promise can be feigned in forms that seem harmless and acceptable. they feed that desire to be there - right where God has promised you to be. but they can also shift the eyes of your heart from the ONE THING to OTHER THINGS.

if you're on your way to eat a sumptuous dinner, do you think it would help your appetite if you first eat junk food before dinner time? i remember a classic picture of a parent withholding from his child snack food in order to preserve his appetite for meal time. well, i've been JUNKING of some food that is not meant for me to feast on. and the Lord rebuked me.

"riza, stop feeding your soul. do not spoil your appetite for the REAL thing. do you think teasing you flesh will make things better and more fulfilling during your wait? IT is shifting your eyes from the promise. the next thing you know, you have lost heart because the lesser things have taken away your wholeheartedness. it is still compromise riz. when you feast on gratification that you know do not have eternal value. are you telling me, 'in the mean time God, let me satisfy my flesh with a fleshly affair while waiting for the promise of the Spirit?' do you understand how that attitude is defiling your heart?"

i'm finding it difficult to believe. God knows. and i have wanted (have been already...) to run away from the fact that i have to face the battle that comes before the promise. it seems too darn difficult just to carry the word in my heart. it's more difficult to persevere in consistent faith that dies to doubt every day. so i succumbed to substitutes that made me feel a bit better but made my heart more distant from the promise. in short, i pretended to be obedient when my heart was really running away.

but God is calling me back.
and the only way to stop feeding the wrong parts of your being its by dying more.

tears on the altar.

wednesday

another day passed. it's been a while since i last went home smellin' real stinky. (heehee) what can i say, the wednesday sun was not feelin' stingy as it breathed heat and intensity to slowly sun-tanning commuters this afternoon. fx ride palang papuntang mega, minus 100 ligo points na ako... then walked over to robinsons equitable tower. errand no. 1. then walked under the heat again to citiland tower. errand no. 2. then walked back to the fx stand. more 'amoy araw' now than ever.

arrived at megamall to print my resume and ice skating track record. i then proceeded to the ice rink to look for ma'am juliet. i was hoping i'd get a job interview on the spot. uhm, she won't be there 'til after an hour. papa-passport pix muna nga ako... 1 hr. naman daw edi sakto lang.

and so there i was putting on make up and posing for my passport photo, half smiling. lol. talk about an unsymmetrical facial expression now evident in the final product that will be stuck on my passport for a couple of year... haha.

photographer: ma'am, 'wag po kayo masyadong ngumiti.'

riza (thinking in her head): awww. it's just so sad when you don't get to smile in the pix... :( happee gurl pa naman ako. o beam?

grateful though that you can't really smell how the person on the photo smells when you look at it... and i don't think halata na naarawan ako ng sobra. or see for yourself nalang. toinks.

next stop, santolan lrt station. by this time my feet are a bit achy. my other shoe happened to have lost its heel's rubber sole. the whole time i was walking with the uneven metal sliding uncomfortable against slippery floors. aysss. why didn't i notice this before leaving the house...?

finally got to mtg. place. i was meeting my voice teacher and friend. hay. i needed help with getting my voice 'tuned up.' LOL. another gay walk under the scorching heat. lola, i'm so glad i didn't run into john lloyd... we happened to walk the area where he grew up - santolan, pasig.

and there we were, unclogging my throught and rehearsing my diaphragm in an un-airconditioned room up at the 3rd floor. i swear i wanted to buy a new shirt just to be able to change.

but what the heck, i'm just 2 tricycle rides away from home!

finally got home around 9pm. but wag ka, nagdinner muna ako sa chowking at nagpagupit muna ako sa reyes before taking the second tricycle ride! i wonder if the hair stylist figured i was really smelly na! huhu. pero tuloy pa rin. go ate, paki-BLOW DRY ha?

another tryc ride. praise jesus, home na. look mom, BANGS =D

Love On Me

what will be left without the song, without the melody?
what will be left without the playing, without the well thought of words?

what will be left without the spontaneity, the artistry?
what will be left without the anointing, the spirit-flowing?

what's left after all is gone, that is all that matters
that is all that really matters to Me.

love on Me. love on Me.

selah

i love on You. i love on You.

selah

reality check: japan's deep recession - a snapshot from the big picture to the individual...

"tokyo is one of the world's most expensive cities so the line between comfortable middle class to suddenly homeless is in some cases, very thin.. - CNN"