october 25

i just have to get this out before i sleep. it's 1 am and my heart is still jumping up and down (while beng and weena are out doing cartwheels somewhere).

as i was walking on one of araneta center's sidewalks this morning, i tried to hold back smiles bubbling from inside me. i wanted to laugh at myself but i had to hold on to some decency. (mashadong maraming tao sa kalsada.)

after sunday service, i greeted mitch, some other friends like doc lissa... i started jumping up and down as if i won the lottery. i stopped myself. it didn't look good on me and my heeled sandals. minutes later, i was on the phone with ryzl and i was jumping again. what can i say, i couldn't help it.

just yesterday morning, i sensed fear building in my heart. but before the day had ended, fear had melted into rivers of joy. i realized that the very source of my fear should be the source of my joy. it was God answering prayers down to specific details.

someone had a prophetic dream about me some 2 years ago. and just a few months ago, someone had another dream which seemed to be the continuation of the first dream. it was a desired continuation because the 1st dream had ended rather unpleasantly. the second dream promised hope. it spoke of a moment when the unpleasant ending of the first dream changes and shifts. the shift opens the door to a promise that i have long received from God, and i have prayed and wrestled for for so long.

the 2nd dream had this simple detail i could not forget... that when it happened, i was 100% aware that someone had dreamed of this before... but i didn't understand what what happening until after God swept away my fears. then he started speaking...

don't you see? i am in control. didn't i give that dream with those exact details and didn't i allow that moment for you to see that the God who gave the dream is able to (literally) bring it to pass right here where tangible people walk, laugh and cry?

then i realized, if God had allowed that dream to come true (and i mean dream or panaginip and not pangarap...) then the other dreams will also come to pass. and those 'other' dreams are just darn good! i couldn't even begin to imagine how it will happen. but i know it will. not because i have big faith. my goodness, i don't. but it will happen because God was the one who had given it, and he's the one who has purposed in his love for me to transpose it where ears and hands actually hear and feel.

i was browsing through old poems a while ago and i realized that God has honored my declarations...

yes, God is real. and so are his every word and promise. :)


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Miracle

i know waiting will not last forever
i know faith is a word that eventually substantiates
for those who know how to ask and receive
i know time was not meant to delay or prolong suffering
i know longing is meant to be met by an embrace

i know tears are wiped away in the end
i know promises will be fulfilled if they were given in love
i know hearts soften when watered with mercy tears
i see rain clouds smelling the earth's hunger for water

miracles are not far but are only waiting for the cue of the great Director
a miracle is real even before it happens
and when my heart is filled with faith to the brim,
you will be greater than everything that i know.
when my hand begins to feel,
then i will laugh and cry.

but now, fill me with more of your truth
let me taste the showers of hope purified
faith watering my insufficiency
turning belief into answers
for the God i spoke with, i know, is real