dear God,

once again it's 11:52 pm and i simply have to tell you something. something i do not exactly know. i just know there is something. oh, i have asked you my questions... some of them are questions whether to ask you the question, and questions on what to ask you. it is cowardice to keep on asking you for such things?

i miss the newness of hearing things i've never heard. i miss the sweetness of amazement of discovering my capacity to believe. there is room for more. but how far am i willing to make room? there is much to fill before we finally reach the brim. emptiness is a daily undertaking i am committed to. i have had my yesterday's fill. where is my fresh cup of today's rain and sunshine?

what am i missing?

the eyes must blink, once, twice, thrice... and wonder if things in front of them will change. eyes must close for 3 long seconds before it opens again, hoping for a rainbow or some pillar of cloud to appear. the heart must yearn for things un-earthly. it must look for such things, lest if gets buried in boredom. i am waiting for something. say it will come. one, two, three...

i miss the freshness of newly broken walls of limitation and possibilities. i don't want boundaries around me. let me be totally free. even the country beyond that red line, i can make my own.

i want you fully. i want this completely. i want to have my share of mystery and thunderbolts and heaven's rumble. i don't want to stare right here. stare at this. or stare upward at nothing. i was not born to stare but to marvel.

i must see someone i have never seen. today is a new day. (it's 12:05 am.)